In Which I Panic And Use Many Capital Letters, Probably Both Unnecessarily, But I Don't Want To Repeat Horrific History Here, Folks

OK OK OK OK

Breathe.

Whooooo-saaaaah.

See, I just realized recently that Summer is only 3.5 weeks away (school-year speaking, which is what counts for me and the kidlets) and I have not yet really planned for this event! And this year I am determined NOT to sit around each day languishing on the couch while the kidlets mooch around zoned out of their minds because Mommy Is Depressed And Boring. They will be going to school (a.k.a. daycare, which is a Fun Place They Love, but we use Big Boy terminology) two days out of the week (also be determined and *ACK* haven't done that yet either--note to self, pin down ComputerDaddy about this) but there will be THREE other days to fill with non-boring things not counting the weekends.

And me? So NOT a preschool teacher. I mean, I have the plastic bin of craft stuff, but there's only so much time that can be filled with that sort of thing. And yes, I'll take them to the park and such, but I also want to do Fun Events like water park (for littles) days and visits to the Detroit Institute of Art and the Detroit Zoo and maybe Vacation Bible School if I can find a church that does that for kids under 5 (I love my church but it is apparently age-ist in that area) and swimming lessons and...

All this takes Planning.

Which is sending me spinning because I am, of course, building this up into a Massively Important Thing and if I fail then All Is Lost. And yes, I should probably talk to my therapist about that.

You have to understand that making this summer successful for myself and the kidlets is really important in terms of Turning Things Around. The last three summers have been Really Bad. The first one I had a newly-crawling DramaBoy and had just found out that I was very unexpectedly pregnant with The Widget. I didn't know how to keep DramaBoy very entertained, I was sick and exhausted, and I was terrified about the whole Having Two Kids thing. And I was depressed, though in denial about that aspect.

The second summer followed an intense period of Absolute Terror because here you go, girl, you've got a toddler and an infant and you're On Your Own. The highlights were Thursday mornings when I could take DramaBoy to daycare (he went two days a week during the summer, which saved my remaining sanity) and then drive infant Widget down to the Ann Arbor area, where I and my dear friend Katrina, who's oldest boyo is seven weeks older than The Widget*, would tote our wee ones to a movie theatre that showed new movies for parents and infants in the mornings. Cheaper tickets (babies free), slightly higher lighting so you could see the babies, lowered sound so their hearing wasn't damaged, diaper changing stations in the front, and no one who would care or judge if you whipped out a boob and nursed your child right in the room. Those hours were heaven. And then we'd go out to lunch together and have Adult (if frequently Mommy) conversation before I'd wend my reluctant way home to my regular life of depression and Being Overwhelmed. Though in denial about those aspects.

And last summer...last summer just Sucked. Both boys were too old and yet too young to go to infant movie mornings (no longer infants content to sleep and/or suckle, not yet school-age kids interested in sitting for an hour and a half to watch a whole movie). I was so depressed (though still in denial) and exhausted and lacking in motivation that we spent most days stuck inside, me on the couch watching hours of TV, kids wandering about playing with toys and getting very bored and whiny. The highlight of the summer was a day at the zoo with another friend and her two boys. And considering that was the hottest day of the summer and we spent most of the time staring at empty pens (the animals were hiding out, being smarter than us) and hanging out in the Arctic Circle display (which was cool and damp and has an awesome underwater tunnel where we could watch the seals and the polar bear, who was swimming in endless circles trying to keep cool as well)--that tells you how desperate I was.

I don't want my children to be stuck indoors all summer with a mother too depressed to play with them or make the day interesting and educational. Play time, with its emphasis on learning how to entertain oneself, is important, but it can't be the norm for every hour of every day. I'm still dealing with my depression, but there's the key--I'm DEALING with it. Acknowledging it, facing it, working with it, learning about it. I don't WANT to sit around the whole day. I admit, I fully intend to allow myself the occasional few hours of vegging on the couch--but I'll do that rarely and on the days the boys are in school, rather than when they're around.

But this all means I need to Plan, and I need to Prepare.

And that means I am Panicking.

Do you have some suggestions? Do you know of any specific child-friendly events or places to go (especially free or inexpensive) in the Metro-Detroit area? Do you want to hook up with our kids if you live in the area? Do you want to plan out my days for me? (Well, maybe not the last one, but the others at least....)

I'll be okay, really, but I don't object to your advice and help.

Which is saying a lot, actually. My admitting to panic and asking for help is kind of new.

Good for me.

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*She told me she was pregnant and I offered her my maternity clothes to borrow, which she did gratefully. One week later I had to call her up and say Oops, sorry, gonna need those back.