Don't Feel Too Pressured. It's Just A Test Of Your Love.

I am blocked. I have started and stopped, both mentally and typically (I don't think that word means what you think it means! says my inner Inigo Montoya, and he's sort of right--get a sense of vocabulary humor, Inigo!) a half dozen posts and then I look at them (mentally or, well, on the screen) and they fall flatter than a prematurely de-ovenated souffle.

I complained to my friend Rob, and he suggested that I write about playing DnD

(no, not Diapers and Dragons--DUNGEONS and Dragons! Though the confusion is completely logical)

(and yes, I know that my geek quotient just went through the atmosphere with some of you, while others are completely unsurprised--This is the girl who wanted an Elf Ranger outfit for Christmas, you say, and now you know exactly what character I play: her name is Tahlia--pronounced Tuh-LEE-uh--and she's the only Fey in a group of humans, and she kicks ass, of course)

except that I think most of you have already glazed over just at the thought of it and the rest of you, with maybe a couple of exceptions, would join the others if I actually launched into a description of our sessions. Which, really, tend to be pretty raucous and full of hilarious geek culture references, but also involve things like complicated dice and little pewter miniatures and stats sheets and people debating over whether or not a particular attack is likely to have much effect on the target and whether Dexterity or Strength is the base stat for...

And there you go. Come back! I'll stop!

Anyhow.

I'm stumped and feeling a little desperate because I WANT TO BLOG and yet nothing is coming to me on its own. So here's my request: would you? could you? PLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASE help me out?

If you're willing to play along, comment on this post with something you'd like to know or always wondered about me or my blog or my life or whatever, or a topic upon which you'd like me to expound, and I will go with it to the best of my ability.

And if you don't comment, I'll know who loves me and who doesn't.

I KID! I KID!!!

(Sort of.)

So....Ready? Set? GO!

Why Papercuts Are A Very Real Job Hazard

I did the math.

I rather wish I hadn't. But what's done is done.

I added up the average of essays that I assign, taking the low side of page numbers per essay, added in a guesstimate of essays from tests, the pages of writing on projects as well as essays, and multiplied by the number of students I have per year (around 150--this year I have 148). I did NOT include the other kinds of grading I do, including objective quizzes and tests, "checked in" notes and vocabulary logs and graphic organizers and the like, and presentations.

According to my calculations, I grade a rough average of 16,000 pages worth of writing per year.

SIXTEEN THOUSAND PAGES.

PER YEAR.

On a not-unrelated note, the first marking period ends next Friday.

Any wonder why I'm not posting much lately?

And, uh, anyone want to come help me wade out of this paperlanche that seems to have fallen on me?

If Wishes Were Horses, I'd Totally Sell The Horses And Get This Stuff Instead. Forget Black Beauty. I'll Take Black Boots.

There is an increasingly large gap growing between what I WANT for Christmas and my birthday (which are totally the same day so it's convenient for gift-giving, but it's NOT okay to just make one present work for both unless it's a REALLY BIG PRESENT) (just sayin') and what I NEED for Christmas and my birthday. This is one of the sadder parts of becoming terminally adult.

Well, that and all the joint creaking. You should hear me when I get up from bed or the couch or, well, pretty much any position in which my joints have to move from one angle to another. I sound like a really big bowl of Rice Krispies, or possibly a bag of microwaveable popcorn. Plus I often have to hoist myself up and then put my hand on my lower back because my back, it's lopsided and stuff. I'm 32 years old and already moving like a grandma.

It's sexy as hell, yo.

Anywho, I have a growing list of all the fun stuff I'd really like to get as gifts, as well as a growing list of all the things I actually need and don't necessarily have the money to get. And since I know you are all DYING to know what's on those lists, I'll share them with you!

You're welcome.

Here's What I Want, What I Really Really Want

1. A bunch of t-shirts from my new favorite merchandise website, ThinkGeek.com, especially these ones:

Because cookies make everything better. Especially double dark chocolate.

Because it's the Answer, of course!*

SPACE INVADERS! Now with extra destruction!

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." Seriously, I think my life would be complete if I had this.**

This just makes me giggle.

Oh yes. I am that geeky. Although Next Generation is still my favorite.***

Sheldon is my hero. Even though I think I would probably stab him to death with a hundred very sharp pencils if I actually lived with him. I don't know how Leonard handles it.****

So. Awesome.

And again, brilliance from Sheldon. I want this in poster form, too.

This is what I'm talking about. I mean, seriously. LOVE.

2. Boots. I know, I know, I have a ton already, but there are a couple kinds I really want. One is a pair of tight-fitting brown high heeled boots that will perfect several specific outfits:

Like these

Or these. I'm not picky.

And then just because I've wanted a pair for a very, very long time, a pair of thigh-high black high heeled boots (but not a pair that looks too hooker-y. Because I have standards.):

Yes. Perfect.

DON'T JUDGE ME.

3. And of course I really want an elf ranger outfit to go with my ears, only that's going to be really hard to do because even the stores/websites that sell things like this seem to have never realized that maybe WOMEN want to dress like elf rangers and would prefer something of quality rather than the stupid little Peter-Pan-ish Halloween-y crap that is the only stuff I can find. ARGH. Anyhow, an outfit that would look something like this:

Yes, the bow and arrows and bracer and boots too. 
Because I'm a total geek, that's why.

4. Also from ThinkGeek.com, I really, really, really want this USB Webcam Missile Launcher that would allow me to launch foam darts at my students without them even realizing I'm watching them on the webcam. Sleeping when you're supposed to be working? PEW PEW!!! Talking to your neighbor when you shouldn't? K-CHOW!!! Just being a general annoyance? PEW PEW K-CHOW WHAM PEW PEW PEW!!!!!!

Beware my wrath!!!! PEW PEW PEW PEW!!!!! Mwahahahahahahaha!!

5. And because I'm not totally selfish and would also like something that our entire massive family can enjoy, I'd love to get a Wii system and a bunch of fun games. I'm generous like that.

I already own both Raymond's Ravin' Rabbids Wii games, and I love them. But I can't play them. This makes me sad.

What I Need and Should Probably Get Instead

1. Four new tires for my Saturn Vue. The current ones are almost entirely bald and squeal like I'm a crazy maniac driver every time I take a corner, even if I'm going about five miles an hour. And Michigan winters are a bitch, yo, and these tires will NOT handle things. I should probably get these before Christmas, actually. Sigh.

They may be black and sleek in their own way, but they just aren't the same as those boots. SIGH.

2. Also for my poor overworked Vue, a rear wheel hub assembly. It's only the fourth one needing replacement in the last few months. It's bizarre: that car is awesome and reliable, but apparently at around 130,000 miles all the wheel bearings start screaming. And, um, I mean that pretty literally. They're LOUD, people.

Oooh, shiny. Still not exciting, though.

3. And because that's not enough, I should get those brakes replaced soonish too. Geez, you'd think I was working as a chauffeur these days. Oh wait. I AM.

Why do all the repairs happen all at once? Thank God MTL can do a lot of that car stuff. Makes him handy to have around.

4. Oh, and speaking of those cold Michigan winters? It would be pretty awesome to have an electric blanket. Not exactly exciting, but awesome.

Now with extra snuggles.

5. Finally, even though MTL and I have a walk-in closet, I don't exactly have room for all my Stuff. Especially the stuff that doesn't hang up. Like socks. And underwear. You know, things like that. I have exactly one drawer in MTL's dresser that is mine. And while I totally <3 MTL for giving me a drawer (of his own free will, mind you, and without my badgering or even hinting), it's not quite enough. This is why I need a dresser. Preferably one of those long low ones, because then I can also put things like my jewelry chest(s) and Other Girly Things on top instead of on the floor/bathroom counter/random surfaces as I have to now.

Like this, only cheaper, because I'm pretty sure it's an antique. Which mostly is just another word for "It's been sitting around here for a few generations and it isn't completely broken."

Sigh.

Sometimes being a low-maintenance, practical, responsible adult Sucks the Big One.

And to think: for the sake of brevity, I'm not including all the piddly stuff I gaze at wistfully, like dozens of books and CDs and movies and that really cool necklace I saw at Aldo's the other day and things like that.

I'm not really all that materialistic. Really. But a girl can dream.

-------------------------------------------------
*From The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series by Douglas Adams. If you don't get this joke, I'm deeply disappointed in you. Also, you need to go read the first three books. NOW. Forget about the last two in the series. He only wrote them because he was pressured into it and you can tell.
**From The Princess Bride--both book and movie. Again, ditto above if you don't get it.
*** STAR TREK, people. /facepalm
****From The Big Bang Theory, which is currently just about the only half-hour TV sitcom worth watching. LOVE IT.

Guilt (Mine) and Consequences (DramaBoy's)

Apparently the most votes are for details on DramaBoy's Full Day Time Out, and really I will write about that, but first I want to note that today I am in enforced idleness. No, really. I had planned to head back to the house while The Ex was at work and do what packing I can do until we have our Official Negotiations over items like CDs and DVDs and dishes and pots and pans and children's clothing and toys. Also, I was going to watch the recorded sessions of "So You Think You Can Dance" from the last couple of weeks.

Instead, I am sitting on the couch contemplating how I can make this day Useful and Productive in other ways, because this morning I received a text from The Ex requesting that I not go to the house today. I don't know why. Perhaps he's working from home today; perhaps his girlfriend will be there; perhaps it's trashed and he doesn't want me there until he cleans (though that's unlikely). It doesn't really matter. The end result is the same.

I find that, as lazy as I am and can be, I don't deal well with Doing Nothing, at least by myself. Apparently I can spend hours and days and weeks Doing Nothing (well, nothing Productive, at any rate) in company with MTL and be as content as a cat on a sunny windowsill. Find myself alone with nothing much to do for a day and the Guilt begins. I mean really, God forbid I spend a day doing nothing but relaxing.

So far I plan to fold that load of laundry that is still in the dryer, mail MTL's Jury Summons Questionnaire (he's SO EXCITED), pick up Change of Address cards, go to a couple of banks, and call my former student C. who needs a responsible adult *giggle* to chaperone her in some driving practice so she can get her license. Don't worry, you legally-minded people: she graduated, so I'm no longer in that teacher/academic legal position.

Oh, and I may also go shopping for my cousin's wedding present and perhaps even some things for my sister's baby shower.

I'm living on the edge, Peoples.

*********************************

So you want to know how this whole Full Day Time Out thing happened with DramaBoy, huh? Okay, here goes.

I mentioned a while back that DramaBoy is a mini-me in more than looks: he's also all-too-frequently full of defiance and disobedience. Don't get me wrong. He's a good kid at heart. Well, let me rephrase that. He's not a bad kid. I'm not worrying about him ending up in Juvie. Yet.

He is, however, a handful and a half. Lately MTL and I (and apparently also The Ex, when we discussed it) have been noticing a disturbing trend. DramaBoy has developed an attitude that, frankly, pisses us off. And I helped create it. You see, I've always insisted that when DramaBoy and The Widget do something wrong, they have to apologize for it. Over time, that became part of the end point of punishment. Somehow, in DramaBoy's mind, this came to mean that if he apologizes for something, then everything is over--and he started acting like that should be enough. He apparently thinks that if he says sorry, he shouldn't get punished.

Ha.

On top of that, his apologies have stopped meaning anything. They have become flippant, something that he seems to see as a joke. He's become cocky and arrogant, or as much so as a four-year-old can be. And he's stopped paying attention much to what Adults In Charge are saying.

(MTL and I spotted a t-shirt the other day that, if it had come in DB's size, I might have bought for him. It read It's Cute How You Think I'm Listening To You. We agreed that might as well be DB's motto. Enough said.)

The first day up north at Nana and Papa's (MTL's parents) place was like a dream. DB behaved perfectly. He was outside all day playing, having fun, staying out of trouble, being a wonderful big brother to The Widget and "almost brother"/playmate with KlutzGirl. He was cheerful and polite and helpful. MTL and I both praised him for it, wanting to give some positive reinforcement for such behavior.

Sunday morning went well too. Then in the afternoon things took a turn for the worse. DB started playing around the outdoor air conditioning unit, putting things like leaves and wood chips through the wire mesh. Nana told him to stop, that what he was doing was dangerous. He ignored her. Then when she called him over and lectured him about listening and obeying, out came that attitude. So off he went to Time Out in a lawn chair--and the attitude kept coming. That earned him a Gibbs. He ended up falling asleep in the chair, and we hoped that a nap would help. After he woke up, he apologized to Nana, and we let him run off and play again.

So we figured he could go along when we all went off to Dairy Queen that night. Except when we arrived (we had to take two cars), MTL came over to my car to talk to DB: The Padawan had informed him during the drive that DB had been throwing sticks at MTL's car as well as climbing on my car and had been rude and disobedient when told to stop. MTL asked DB if he had done this.

And DB said Yep. With a look on his face like So what? What you going to do? And then he said, Sorry! Again with a look like I don't give a damn, but I'll toss you an apology to keep you happy.

And the attitude kept coming, even after punishment, even after being denied ice cream, even after the long wait and then the long ride home. I told him to say sorry for real to MTL, and he said the words--but the look on his face and the tone of his voice said that it was all a joke to him. MTL refused to accept his apology. And I was fed up.

Tomorrow, I told him, you are grounded. You'll be in Time Out all day. No playing, no toys, no TV, no fun. 

But I said sorry! he protested.

It's not enough to say sorry, I replied. You have to mean it. And if you were really sorry, you wouldn't keep doing these things. You would listen. You wouldn't do what you know is wrong. And you wouldn't have this attitude. You're not getting grounded because you threw sticks. You're getting grounded because you don't care that you did something wrong and you won't listen to the Adults In Charge.

So that was that. The next day, from the time he woke up until the time he went to bed, he had to either sit in a chair next to me or, when it started raining and we went inside where there was the TV, lie on Nana and Papa's bed in the back room. With no toys, no books, nothing.

MTL and I both talked to him about the situation throughout the day, emphasizing that the problem lay with his attitude. DramaBoy protested a few times in the morning, and once again tried "apologizing" in the hopes of getting out of the punishment, but we stuck to our guns. By afternoon he was resigned to his lot and remarkably cooperative. He fell asleep for a while, and then came out to eat pizza while The Widget was put back in Nana and Papa's room for a nap. Once DB was done eating, he went back to lie down on the bed again--without even being told. He didn't try to sneak toys in, he didn't complain, nothing. He only got out of bed to go to the bathroom and then to tell me that The Widget was awake and crying for me.

We were all rather impressed, truthfully.

The next day the grounding was lifted, just in time to climb into the car and head home. And lo and behold, DB lied to MTL about something as we were getting ready to go, and then at a pit stop disobeyed me about something else--and the attitude flooded back.

So MTL slung the boy over his shoulder, dumped him back into the car, and traded keys with me so that I could drive his car while MTL drove mine--with The Widget and a screaming DramaBoy inside.

There are many reasons I love that man.

Apparently DB was quiet and obedient for the remainder of the ride. Meanwhile, I easily quelled a few incipient quarrels between KlutzGirl and The Dark One while The Padawan slept, and I drove in relative peace for the second half of the drive.

So. Did the grounding work? I think it did. I'm not naive enough to have expected it to fix the problem in one Swell Foop, but it did lay some solid groundwork. I talked with The Ex about it, and we're all going to be tackling that attitude problem.

I think DramaBoy's about to find out that he's messing with the wrong adults. He may be stubborn, but so are we. And we outnumber him.

Thank God.

Any advice from all of you Peoples? What have you done with your Strong Willed Children?

Perhaps

I know I've been gone a while, and I know there's plenty I could write about, but plainly put I'm just Too Damn Busy. Papers to grade, paperwork to complete (both for work and the personal life), exams to create, errands to run, a divorce to finalize.

Which is where this quickie post comes in. Tomorrow morning at 8:30 Eastern time, The Ex and I will be entering the court room for what (knockonwoodcrossyourfingerspleasedearGodplease) will hopefully be our final appearance and the finalization of our divorce. We're getting along quite well right now, so there isn't all sorts of tension, but we both just want to be done with all this legal crap and move on. So please hold me/us in your thoughts and prayers, and hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to post a follow-up informing you that I am, in fact, Done With That.

I'll see you...maybe...on the other side.

[im]patience

patience is a virtue
true
but i'm not that virtuous
and instead sit gritting teeth
clenching fists
eying the heavens to ask
when?
it doesn't seem much to ask
just a deadline
not even an hour
just a date
june 21st
for example
and then i can exhale and say
all right
i can hold out until then

i'm sure this is all very
character building
this uncertainty and fear
lessons i sorely need
in patience and reliance on others
and yes
i know i need to
let go let God
release it all and
take it day by day
all those old cliches
and aphorisms
and maxims
that are rooted in truth

but knowledge
and application
are two different things
i think i may be lacking the gene for patience
so i asked a friend to pull in her contacts
and see if they could splice me one
you see?
i'm already asking for help
and that's better than i used to be
when i thought i had to do everything on my own

maybe they'll earn a nobel prize
for genetics
by decoding a patience gene
and helping me out

until then
i sit here on the couch
remind myself to breathe
think a bit
pray a bit
and quell the urge to catch time by the throat
and throttle some certainty out of it

Seriously, When I Hear It "Take Off" I Want to Take Off Too

Why, I ask, are so many children's toys so damn ANNOYING?

They beep, they boop, they screech and ding and howl and flash lights and generally drive any reasonable adult within a twenty-foot radius absolutely insane. They also seem to involve a hundred little pieces that will get misplaced and be found by someone's unsuspecting foot--most often the innocent parent. Oh, and they all require a half-dozen batteries that die within a few hours' use. In order to remove and replace the batteries, one must first locate one of those tiny little screwdrivers that constantly vanish (much in the same way as the Second Sock Phenomenon) in order to unscrew the twenty tiny screws that keep our little darlings from accessing the batteries and nomming all that lovely battery acid.

I'd just let the batteries die, shrug, and say Oh, it's so sad! It must be broken. Might as well get rid of it, okay? if it weren't for the equally annoying (and noisy) wailing and gnashing of teeth that would ensue. I'm not sure which is worse, really.

And of course we all know who gives those gifts most often. That's right. People who are NOT the parents of the children. Because they don't have to deal with the horror. This last Christmas was particularly bad for my boys in this regard. The house is now filled to the brim with countless toys that are endangering my precarious sanity.

So those of you who do this? (You so know who you are.) I have a suggestion. Instead of spending vast amounts of money on noisy, annoying, expensive toys that will drive parents insane and be forgotten in a corner after a few months, get something simple. Avoid noises and flashing lights and tons of pieces and battery-requirements. Oh, and you really don't have to put the toy stores back in the black single-handedly. I guarantee that if you start doing this when they're young, they'll never miss the excess. I didn't.

And if you still feel like you need to spend more money? Get something useful. Like clothes they'll actually wear. Or a college fund. Or pay some of their daycare tuition.

Chances are the parents will appreciate that much more than some footlong space shuttle with realistic light and sound effects.

Not that I would know anything about a toy like that. Or desire to smash it into a hundred pieces.

Ahem.

Not That I'm Desperate For Topics or Anything *Ahem*

Okay. I mentioned before that it gets tricky these days to come up with topics for this blog, because of the whole minefield of my personal life and whatnot. I mean, posts about the Great Toilet Paper Hanging Debate are fabulous in their own right (and yes, Lauren, I absolutely came up with that one while sitting on the pot after a friendly debate over that very topic with someone), but I can't write about that every day.

(Though seriously, take the little poll over in the upper right-hand corner, because that's blog fodder for next week. You have until 9 a.m. next Wednesday, January 13th, to vote.)

So I'm going to take a page from a few other bloggers' books sites, so to speak, and ask you, my beloved readers, to help me out. In the comments on this post, please ask me questions, humorous or serious, that you would like me to answer. I don't promise to answer them all (especially if doing so would set off one of those mines), but I'll do my best!

And if you have a brilliant topic in general that you think I would write about well, please feel free to send that my way as well.

Please don't let me down! I don't care if you're a longtime reader or a recent visitor, a family member or someone I've never met: JUST LEAVE A COMMENT! (Well, you know, with a question or topic suggestion.)

You can DO it!

I Know You're Out There!

For whatever reason, my recent posts have received very skimpy commenting.

My feelings are hurt.

(Though the faithful few who do leave comments are officially among my Favorite People, so that's good.)

(At least they love me.)

I would just pout in the corner, except yesterday was a good day and I'm working on making today a good day too, and pouting in corners isn't conducive to such things. What IS conducive to such things? Oh, I don't know. Let's see what I can find:

1. Former students (in droves--I've been running into them everywhere lately) telling me how much they miss me and that I Was Right About Everything (well, duh, but some people have to learn the hard way).

2. New shoes (yesterday's pair was new: keep an eye out for the other two pairs Coming Soon to a Blog Near You).

3. Old shoes that still make me happy because I can Strut My Stuff in them.

4. A man who respects me, loves to spend time with me, misses me when I'm not around, brings new and exciting adventures into my life, and tells me (frequently) that I'm beautiful inside and out.

5. The same man being someone I respect, love to spend time with, and miss when he's not around. Oh, and he's pretty hot, too.

6. Getting compliments and even mild (and fortunately respectful) come-ons from quite a few men in general lately. I must be sending out the vibe that I feel beautiful and confident.

7. Long phone calls and online chats with wonderful girlfriends, with whom I can laugh and cry and talk about both Silly and Deep Stuff.

8. The prospect of Skyping my mom tonight, something that can only happen when she's in an area with good Internet connections.

9. A recipe for espresso fudge from DraftQueen.

10. The news that DraftQueen is coming to Michigan to visit! (Even if I do have to wait for seven months.)

And last but most definitely not least, the prospect of seeing two little boys tonight whom I have not seen since Friday morning. I foresee lots of hugs and kisses and cuddles in my near future.

Life is Good.

(But I'm not above a little guilt trip.)

(Please leave a comment. Or I will cry bloggy tears.)

To Whom It May Concern: I Need a Painkiller! Edition

Dear Darling Much-Beloved DramaBoy and Widget,

Seriously? You haven't seen me in four days and you're choosing to push every button I own and drive me up the nearest wall? What are you, cats? You have to punish me for being away? And you had to choose a day when my back feels like it's been walked on by elephants and then nailed to five-inch-thick boards and there's no frickin' way I'm going to be able to grab you both in my muscled mama arms and hoist you both where we need to go?

Because I love you, but, as good old Bill Cosby said, I brought you into this world: I can take you out.

Love and kisses (and get back in bed! I see you there! Who do you think you're kidding, "hiding" behind the trash can?!?)
Your Highly Exasperated Mother

*****************************

Dear Dog Who Really Needs to Go to a Better Home but We Can't Seem to Get Off Our Butts and Make It Happen:

If you could develop the ability to open the back door and let yourself out, that would be lovely. I know you have hip displasia, but the prospect of dragging your fifty-pound wiggling weight on your mat over to the door and hoisting you outside into the rain is making me break out in hives. Also, my back just screamed.

Sincerely,
Your Very Apologetic But Seriously DONE Wants-to-be-a-Former Owner

*****************************

Dear Wonderful Bloggers Who Inhabit My Blogroll:

Hey, you think you could all take a hiatus from blogging for, say, a week? Because life is pretty chaotic right now and every time I look at all the posts that I haven't been able to read in four days and realize I don't have the time and/or energy to read them for who knows how many more days, a little bit of my blogger me dies. You really don't want me to end up in the foetal position rocking back and forth and moaning The posts! The posts! They just keep coming and things are happening and words are being written and I CAN'T KEEP UP!!!!

With deep and guilty appreciation for your wordy wizardry,
A Blogging Addict Who's Jonesing Hard

*****************************

Dear Neck, Shoulders, and Back:

If you torture me much longer with this pain, I will seriously consider trading you in for a better model. I watched Surrogates last week and I'm starting to think maybe that's a good idea. Despite the, you know, downfall of the human race and all that.

Trying not to scream,
The Person Attached to You

For Those Of You Who Have Read It All

I've been asked to submit a blog post, recent or from far distant past, that I think is the best of my work. Thing is, I don't think I'm all that great at identifying my own best work. And now I'm all insecure and stuff. Truth be told, I'm on the verge of heading into a tailspin of self-doubt and loathing--at least as far as this blog is concerned!

I'm special like that.

So, for those of you who've read a lot (or all) of my stuff--what do you think are the top posts? I have until next Thursday to figure it out...

I'm counting on you--don't let me down!

(The pressure is on. Thank God I can lump it onto your shoulders instead.)

Stop Lurking In The Corner! Cuz I Loves You All.

Because I am ever so creative and original, and I too would like to see how many readers I have and learn more about you (cuz some of you don't leave comments, or you comment without linking an email or website, dang it), and I have limited time to post before I head off to see a friend I haven't seen in person for, oh, almost a year:

I'm totally copying Schmutzie, who in turn copied Notquiteawake before that, and asking you to for real and in person leave a real live COMMENT on this post! I know, that's asking a lot from some of you. Pretty please?

Here's what you do:

1) If you are actually and for real on this website, AWESOME, and if you are reading this is in a feedreader or via email, click on this entry's title and come on over. I'm a patient girl. Sometimes. For you, anything.

2) Answer the following three questions in the comments section:

A. What is your website url (if you have one)?
2. Where are you from in real life?
III. What strange belief/idea did you have as a child?

I'll be really nice and do the first one, because I'm a teacher and know all about modeling for my students, and besides I've already done it over at Schmutzie's and so it's easy. You're welcome.

Thank you so much in advance! You'll make me such a happy TeacherMommy!

In Which I Panic And Use Many Capital Letters, Probably Both Unnecessarily, But I Don't Want To Repeat Horrific History Here, Folks

OK OK OK OK

Breathe.

Whooooo-saaaaah.

See, I just realized recently that Summer is only 3.5 weeks away (school-year speaking, which is what counts for me and the kidlets) and I have not yet really planned for this event! And this year I am determined NOT to sit around each day languishing on the couch while the kidlets mooch around zoned out of their minds because Mommy Is Depressed And Boring. They will be going to school (a.k.a. daycare, which is a Fun Place They Love, but we use Big Boy terminology) two days out of the week (also be determined and *ACK* haven't done that yet either--note to self, pin down ComputerDaddy about this) but there will be THREE other days to fill with non-boring things not counting the weekends.

And me? So NOT a preschool teacher. I mean, I have the plastic bin of craft stuff, but there's only so much time that can be filled with that sort of thing. And yes, I'll take them to the park and such, but I also want to do Fun Events like water park (for littles) days and visits to the Detroit Institute of Art and the Detroit Zoo and maybe Vacation Bible School if I can find a church that does that for kids under 5 (I love my church but it is apparently age-ist in that area) and swimming lessons and...

All this takes Planning.

Which is sending me spinning because I am, of course, building this up into a Massively Important Thing and if I fail then All Is Lost. And yes, I should probably talk to my therapist about that.

You have to understand that making this summer successful for myself and the kidlets is really important in terms of Turning Things Around. The last three summers have been Really Bad. The first one I had a newly-crawling DramaBoy and had just found out that I was very unexpectedly pregnant with The Widget. I didn't know how to keep DramaBoy very entertained, I was sick and exhausted, and I was terrified about the whole Having Two Kids thing. And I was depressed, though in denial about that aspect.

The second summer followed an intense period of Absolute Terror because here you go, girl, you've got a toddler and an infant and you're On Your Own. The highlights were Thursday mornings when I could take DramaBoy to daycare (he went two days a week during the summer, which saved my remaining sanity) and then drive infant Widget down to the Ann Arbor area, where I and my dear friend Katrina, who's oldest boyo is seven weeks older than The Widget*, would tote our wee ones to a movie theatre that showed new movies for parents and infants in the mornings. Cheaper tickets (babies free), slightly higher lighting so you could see the babies, lowered sound so their hearing wasn't damaged, diaper changing stations in the front, and no one who would care or judge if you whipped out a boob and nursed your child right in the room. Those hours were heaven. And then we'd go out to lunch together and have Adult (if frequently Mommy) conversation before I'd wend my reluctant way home to my regular life of depression and Being Overwhelmed. Though in denial about those aspects.

And last summer...last summer just Sucked. Both boys were too old and yet too young to go to infant movie mornings (no longer infants content to sleep and/or suckle, not yet school-age kids interested in sitting for an hour and a half to watch a whole movie). I was so depressed (though still in denial) and exhausted and lacking in motivation that we spent most days stuck inside, me on the couch watching hours of TV, kids wandering about playing with toys and getting very bored and whiny. The highlight of the summer was a day at the zoo with another friend and her two boys. And considering that was the hottest day of the summer and we spent most of the time staring at empty pens (the animals were hiding out, being smarter than us) and hanging out in the Arctic Circle display (which was cool and damp and has an awesome underwater tunnel where we could watch the seals and the polar bear, who was swimming in endless circles trying to keep cool as well)--that tells you how desperate I was.

I don't want my children to be stuck indoors all summer with a mother too depressed to play with them or make the day interesting and educational. Play time, with its emphasis on learning how to entertain oneself, is important, but it can't be the norm for every hour of every day. I'm still dealing with my depression, but there's the key--I'm DEALING with it. Acknowledging it, facing it, working with it, learning about it. I don't WANT to sit around the whole day. I admit, I fully intend to allow myself the occasional few hours of vegging on the couch--but I'll do that rarely and on the days the boys are in school, rather than when they're around.

But this all means I need to Plan, and I need to Prepare.

And that means I am Panicking.

Do you have some suggestions? Do you know of any specific child-friendly events or places to go (especially free or inexpensive) in the Metro-Detroit area? Do you want to hook up with our kids if you live in the area? Do you want to plan out my days for me? (Well, maybe not the last one, but the others at least....)

I'll be okay, really, but I don't object to your advice and help.

Which is saying a lot, actually. My admitting to panic and asking for help is kind of new.

Good for me.

-------------------------------------------------------
*She told me she was pregnant and I offered her my maternity clothes to borrow, which she did gratefully. One week later I had to call her up and say Oops, sorry, gonna need those back.

Mother's Day In 3...2...1...

OK, so I know the last time I posted a Fashion Friday it was all about being green, and I said I'd be posting more of the same for the next few weeks, and then I totally failed to do one last Friday at all. And technically speaking today is not Friday. Believe it or not, my brain is working, at least at that level of coherency. Higher order thinking, not so much.

But it occurred to me that Mother's Day is creeping up, and while I have a doomed feeling that there is no way I'll be done with my gift for my mother (and certainly won't have it framed in time), at least I have it nearly done and can show it to her. Some of y'all either need to get your own butts in gear or have spouses and children whose butts are going to be in deep trouble come Sunday because The Shopping Has Not Been Done.

I know that many people like to give and receive jewelry on Mother's Day. And a lot of it is rather corny, to be frank. There are only so many great big hearts with MOM plastered across them that one woman can hang about her neck.

So as a public service to you (you're welcome), whether as a last-minute purchase for Sunday or as a Better-Make-It-Doubly-Good-Next-Time situation, I have searched the Interwebs for possible jewelry that (at least in this mom's opinion) would be welcome additions to the jewelry chest. I've tried to find items that are appealing and directed towards moms, but not in a cheesy Precious Moments sort of way. (Sorry, PM fans. Those things make me vomit in my mouth just a little.) I also tried to find items that wouldn't absolutely destroy one's wallet. Granted, these aren't pieces that your average child is going to be able to afford, piggy bank or no piggy bank, but I think that a pooling of resources or a generous (and possibly desperate) father isn't out of the question.

So here you go.

Our first stop is over at Collectibles Today, which has plenty of cheese in its pages but a few lovely pieces as well. I fell in love with this A Heartfelt Bond Personalized Trinity Ring [$149], which allows children's names and birthstones to be chosen. If you're into heart pendants (which I'm not so much, but this one is nice), there's the Forever In A Mother's Heart Personalized Heart Shaped Birthstone Pendant [$119], which has clever birthstone dangling pendants on the main pendant. In a simpler style, but still with hearts and birthstones, there's the Lineage of Love Diamond & Birthstone Pendant [$99]. If you're looking for a personalized name and birthstone bracelet instead of a necklace, I loved the elegant but non-fussy Family Birthstone Charm Bracelet [$119].

Next we check into Heavenly Treasures, which has some gorgeous pieces that appeal to my taste for elegant simplicity. First there's the Family Bond Necklace, which comes in either 14k gold [$198] or sterling silver [$35], and which can be adjusted for one or two parents and from one to four children--eight permutations! Then there's the sterling silver Birthstone Family Bond Charm Necklace [$35], which only shows the mother figure but can have specific birthstone charms selected [$5 each]. Now, usually I'm a little Enh about cameo jewelry, but this absolutely breathtaking Mother & Baby cameo pendant [$198] is a major exception. I want it. Badly.

Finally we stop by Patagonia Gifts, which has a huge array of amazing jewelry and gifts, including a wide selection of Irish pieces that appeal to the touch of Celtic in my soul. Looking at their Mother's Day selection, I noticed this Interlaced Hearts Pendant [$59], which again is an exception to my usual no-heart-pendants taste (though I'm not much for wearing silver myself). Then I was struck by yet another heart pendant, the 'Mom' Heart Pendant [$59]--this time with Mom written across it, but in such a unique and striking way that it is a double exception (the no-heart-pendants and no-Mom-label-on-jewelry rules).

But I didn't stop there at Patagonia. Let's face it, not all jewelry given to Mom's needs to be specifically related to motherhood. And Patagonia has this utterly unique line of Real Leaf jewelry that amazed me. They take real leaves, flowers, and even nuts from nature and coat them in metal--gold or silver--and create jewelry out of them. They're all pretty cool, but the line I fell in love with was the Autumn line, which takes these pieces of natural art, encases them in silver plate, and then dips them in iridescent plating to create an amazing look. The pieces I particularly love are the Forget-Me-Not Flower Autumn Gold Pendant, the Gingko Leaf Autumn Gold Pendant, the Maple Leaf Autumn Gold Pendant, the Acorn Autumn Gold Pendant, and the Ivy Leaf Autumn Gold Pendant, each $56. However, there are quite a few other gold and silver pendants, as well as gold and silver pins, gold and silver earrings, accessories, and ornaments.

So cool. Check it all out.

Well, there's my public service announcement for the day. Remember, every day should be Mother's Day, but this Sunday is the one day when even the government remembers how important we are. Don't you be the one to forget!

Keeping Up With the Joneses--or Whoever

In the broadening of my blogging horizon, I have become very aware that my blog is sad and dull in comparison to pretty much Every Single Blog Out There. And even though we shouldn't judge the blog by the header and all that, still...I'm suffering from some seriously low blog esteem.

So one of my artistically inclined students said she'd create a drawing that hopefully can be scanned and converted into a unique header for my page, but I kinda want the whole thing to look--well--you know, PRETTY. Attractive. The kind of blog that says Hey you! Yeah, you lurking over there! Come check me out! Stay a while! Not to mention that I don't really even know how to get the header to look the way I'd like NOW, much less with a piece of scanned art involved.

While being computer literate, I am not exactly computer savvy. Coding is pretty much beyond me. I couldn't even convince Mr. Linky to work, and I had step-by-step instructions.

I know I'm married to a computer geek, but things being the way they are, I feel a little weird asking him to pretty up my blog. Maybe I should suck it up and do that anyways, but first I figured I'd ask the Interwebs and see if there's anyone out there who might take pity on a nice Mommyblogger with a slim bank account.

Ideas? Volunteers?