The Problem With Being Tagged Online Is That You Can't Really Run Away. Not That I'd Be Able To Run Very Quickly Right Now Anyway. Oh Well. At Least I'm Writing. Right?

I haven't done a meme in ever so long, but fellow Michigander (and yes, I am of that party--no Michiganians, okay??? Even Blogger spelling says that's the wrong one!) Katie over at No Missed Opportunities tagged me, and since I haven't been posting up a storm lately and the nagging and gradually increasing pain in my kidney region is interfering with my thought/posting processes lately, tally ho and all that.

(And yes, I am being good and looking into this kidney issue further. I'm scheduled for an ultrasound this afternoon. Also: drinking water nonstop. Also: running for the bathroom every half hour. These last two may be related.)

So. The Meme: A bit about me-me. I'm feeling a little lightheaded from, well, I'm not quite sure what. The blood dilution from drinking so much water? The poisonous little bastards bacteria partying in my body? Lack of restful sleep due to strange dreams I suspect are triggered by my top-level antibiotics? The sheer frustration from the whole stupid illness? The strangeness of actually posting something only a couple days after a previous post????

Anyhow, whatever it is, I'm lightheaded. So we'll see what kind of wackadoodle responses I come up with in response to the meme questions.

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.

2. Paste these rules on your blog post.

3. Respond to the following prompts (in bold).

4. Add a prompt of your own and answer it.

5. Tag a few other bloggers at the bottom of the post.

6. Leave "Tagged You" notices on their blog/Facebook.

7. Let the person who tagged you know when you've written the post.
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1) The best investment you ever made:
My health. Oh wait! That's the best investment I WISH I had ever made. Or perhaps at least buying stock in pharmaceuticals.

Um. No frickin' idea. My Tax Sheltered Annuities are doing pretty well, which is amazing in this economy, so maybe those.

And I suppose I could be all mommyblogger and say My kids! [insert rainbows and flowers and fairy dust here] but I have to say, so far it seems like there's a whole lot more investment and not a whole lot of return interest. I mean, sure, kisses and cuddles are nice, but where's my MONEY, yo??? You think those shoes and haircuts and snacks and clothing grow on trees? CUZ THEY DON'T!!!

Of course, I am stockpiling stories and pictures and whatnot with which to blackmail and embarrass them one day, so I suppose that's an investment. I'm just waiting for my returns, people.

2) If you could’ve written any book, directed any movie, and composed any song, which three would you pick:
Seriously? I have to pick something like this? Like I'm all, Hey, I could have done that! Or jealous or whatever? I'm changing it up, because y'all, I'm not those other people. So here's what I would pick to write/direct/compose:

The book that proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that sports are, in fact, overrated and unnecessary and that other things such as the arts should prevail. Readers would close it reverently, cancel their tickets to the Sunday game, and change the channel from ESPN to SyFy (which would stop showing wrestling, of course, even though that's more theatre than sport.) Athletes would demand a cut in pay. Huge quantities of money would suddenly divert from all things athletic to theaters and concert halls. The geeky kids would be picked first. For everything.

The movie that costs about $2000 to make and rakes in $900,000,000. Because I want the money, that's why.

The song that instantly makes anyone who hears it smile, even if it's the shittiest day of their lives. And never gets old.

In other words, the impossible.

3) Weirdest quirk:
Only one? But I have so many! I even asked MTL, who was astonishingly unhelpful. I would have thought this was right up his alley, but NO. He was all IDK and then Hair twirling? which is an obsession quirk I have, true, but isn't all that WEIRD really, especially since I do it to my hair rather than other people's which would be weirder, and so I told him he sucks and then he said You're just not weird to me and so I melted.

I do also wiggle my ears. Especially when I'm reading and very focused. So I guess I'm kind of weird when I read, since I'll sit there and twirl my hair with one hand while wiggling my ears (handsfree, of course) and also sometimes stick my tongue between my teeth, kind of like a cat. I only know these things because more than one person has observed and commented upon them.

My students say my obsession with written letters being completely closed is my weirdest quirk. When I or someone else writes on the board, for example, and doesn't completely connect the lines in, say, an "o" or an "a" or a "p", I CANNOT ignore it. I have to close it. I think it's perfectly logical, but they think it's hilarious and will sometimes NOT close things on purpose just to drive me crazy, the sadistic little buggers.

Is that weird enough?

4) One wish immediately granted:
HEALTH. Seriously. And maybe a hug to go along with it. And a date night.

Oh wait. One...okay. HEALTH. The others I probably don't need to wish for in order to get. Right, MTL? RIGHT????

5) Most expensive hobby:
Does reading count as a hobby? I think it's more of an essential part of life for me. So...cross stitching. Because the project I'm working on now cost me over $70 in supplies, will cost a ton to frame, and also "costs" increasing woman-hours of work. Especially considering all the mistakes I made at the beginning that required me to rip out literally hundreds, maybe thousands, of stitches. In one case, twice. I'M JUST THAT AWESOME.

6) An inexhaustible gift-card at which store:
Borders. DUH.

7) In another lifetime, you’d be:
A cat. A pampered indoor one, obviously. Seriously, have you seen what their lives are like? With all the sleeping and the eating and the sleeping and the playing and the sleeping and the cuddling and the sleeping and the purring and THE SLEEPING. AWESOME.

8) The most famous/interesting member of your family tree:
Good lord. Again, with the choosing. One of my Issues, actually, is trying to live up to the ridiculously Accomplished and Interesting Family in which I was raised. Extended family on my mother's side, really, where I have grandparents with medals of honor (not American, but still) framed on their wall; and a great-great-aunt who was the first woman to earn a degree in Architecture from the University of Michigan; and family members scattered hither and yon Doing Great Things For Other People; and a cousin who lived in Jerusalem for years and now teaches Hebrew to children in California and whose wife is studying to become a rabbi; and a father who is a Knight--yes really, an actually Knight knighted by the (oddly enough, non-monarchical) government of the country where I grew up and he still works.

Also on that side, I have an indirect ancestor (a many times great-uncle or cousin or whatever) in the American history books as the Founder of the American Industrial Revolution, because he memorized the blueprints to the industrial cotton mill and immigrated to the colonies and started things up, back when the British didn't allow that sort of thing to be taken to the colonies. So, you know, a smuggler and criminal. But on the winning side, which makes all the difference.

Gah. Now I'm feeling all small and insignificant again, thankyouverymuch.

9) What would you say to your teenage self?
GET THERAPY. Also, stop perming your damn hair.

10) What do you want to be when you grow up?
Just like the little old lady I spotted the other day. She was driving a smallish SUV with this stick-figure family decal on the back window:

She is officially the most awesome little old lady I've ever seen.

11) Proudest moment?
Um. I'm bad at remembering these ones. I'm better at remembering all the very many, many humiliating ones I've had.

I think I'll have to be sappy for a minute and say it would be a collage or montage or whatever of the various times students have told me I made a difference in their lives. Those are my proudest moments.

And if my sons tell me someday that I didn't mess them up TOO much, that will be my new one.

12) Best decision ever made?
To risk everything and fall head over heels in love with MTL. Haven't regretted it one bit.

All these years of forgetting to drink water all day, on the other hand....regret that. SO MUCH. Damn kidneys.

Oh, and I have to tag people? (grumble grumble) FINE. I'll tag other people who have been struggling with posting lately as well. Cuz I know how it feels, people.

I tag Kathleen over at Treasured Chapters, because routine can be a blog-killer;

and the lovely and FINALLY no longer preggers (wee Sam decided to stop hiding from his big brothers, that's why) Pants over at Pants With Names, because maybe this is a post she can handle with one hand;

and MomZombie over at Mom Zombie, because we're both struggling with silence and what happens within it;

and Angelique over at The Hyggelig In Me, not because she's struggling with posting (she's not), but because she's my real life friend and fellow Michigander who just started blogging a cozy little blog and I feel like tagging her.

So there! You're welcome.

If It Wasn't For Meme, You Wouldn't Have Me At All

Well, at least right now. Because life, it's a little crazy. Bless DraftQueen for tagging me. I'll be Up North in the Michigan backwoods for the next few days, so I will not be on the Interwebz. Well, even less so than I have been lately.

So. Ten questions (and answers, natch) about me, and then I'm supposed to tag six people:

1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing it that way; if you are not anonymous do you wish you had started out anonymously so you could be anonymous now?

Well, I am and I'm not. My name and my fambily's names are, obviously, nom de plumes. But I did that whole Oooooh I'm writing a blog! Come read me! Do you need me to make it email itself to you automatically???? thing for my extended family and friends (and The Ex, who wasn't my Ex back then) that a lot of beginner bloggers do, and there have been times when that has been...inconvenient. Ever since I crashed and burned back in December 2008/January 2009 and then started blogging again in March 2009, I've been as open and honest as I can be. There are times when I need to write about something that I'm not comfortable being read by certain people, however, and that's when I resort to friends who will lend me their blog for a day or two.

Thank God for bloggy friends.

What was the question, again?

2. Describe one incident that shows your inner stubborn side.

HA! Which to choose, which to choose...because really, it's not so much an "inner" stubborn side. It's pretty much HERE I AM AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!?! Um...okay. Shall I be all open and honest here? And you can decide whether this is me being stubborn or all conflict-avoidance.

There's a friend who has been a fairly good friend for quite a while who said some things to me back in January about my divorce and how she saw my future playing out. I was pretty hurt and bothered by some of it, and I haven't talked to her since, even when she's texted or Facebooked me. I even composed a letter in my head explaining why I was hurt (I don't think it's even the part she expects it is) and why I've been avoiding her. But I haven't written the letter.

I suck.

3. What do you see when you really look at yourself in the face in the mirror?

Someone beautiful and flawed and fulfilled. You have no idea how amazing it is to be able to say that with honesty.

4. What is your favorite summer cold drink?

Iced tea with lemon, NO SUGAR thankyouverymuch. Though I have to say the tropical sangrias I imbibed at the Olive Garden last Friday would top my list if I was more of a drinker.

5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do?

READ. Lavishly. Preferably the kind of books that do NOT end up on summer reading lists, though I think those lists could use more like what I read. Ugh. Remind me to whine vent tell you about that another time.

6. Is there something you still want to accomplish in your life? What is it?

I seriously think I'd like to be published. I'm not certain whether it would be for poetry, fiction, or essays, but I'd really like to be published. You know, by other people. And ideally also read by other people.

7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the class shy person, or always ditching school?

Oh, definitely the overachiever. For a long time my intelligence and academic success were the only things I thought worthwhile about myself.

I still attend school occasionally, by the way, because there's that pesky ongoing education requirement for my certification. Nowadays I'm the class smartass. I'm still at the top of the class, though.

8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what do you see?

Past? Future? Sad-poignant? Happy-poignant? Come on, people, be specific! Um.

Past sad-poignant was the moment last year I realized my marriage was dead. Not just dying, but dead. I'd already cried all my tears, so I didn't weep for it again, but it was a moment that I'll never quite forget.

Past mostly-happy-and-also-freaked-out-poignant was the moment DramaBoy was first shown to me and I fell in love in a totally different way than I expected. I also realized that life would never be the same and I wasn't quite so sure I was ready. Turns out, I wasn't. I survived, though.

More recent and purely-happy-poignant was when MTL first told me he loved me. I already knew it, but still, the first time those words are spoken...I can still picture it all perfectly. *mushy sigh*

As for future poignant--well, refer back to my answer to #1. Maybe I'll tell you once it's happened. *wink*

9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people or events?

I don't think I can help but write about myself. Very few of my posts are about other people without my involvement. This is essentially my rather non-private diary. Same for my poetry--it's all based in reality.

Sure, it's navel gazing, but they say to write what you know! Hehe.

10. If you had the choice to sit and read or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?

Oh, the answer to this one should be obvious to anyone who's been reading my blog for long! Sit and read ALL THE WAY!!! It's my addiction, after all. Even more so than shoes. (I know. Gasp.)

I actually prefer texting on the phone to talking on it. And I'll take talking to someone face-to-face over the phone any day! I've become more like my mother that way as I've gotten older. Now sit down with me over a cup of coffee or a lovely slice of dark chocolate cake with raspberries, and I can talk--and listen, believe it or not--for hours.

Which is what I plan to do the next few days, because my parents are IN COUNTRY and IN TOWN until Sunday, when they fly out to Boston for the birth of my nephew!!!

MTL finally met them last night. I won't tell you how nervous he was. How very, very, very nervous. *ahem*

(He survived.)

(I love that man. As he says, I better. Heehee.)

I'm supposed to tag people, right? Eeek. Um. Okay. Yikes, can't tag DraftQueen. Or Brenda at MummyTime. Or Wanderlust. Or Melissa at Rock and Drool. DQ already tagged them. Dammit, woman!

Okay. I tag:

Lori at Random Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mum
Pants With Names at Pants With Names
Katie at No Missed Opportunities
Nicola at Some Mothers Do Ave Em
GingerB at Gas-Food-Lodging
Monica at And I'll Raise You 5

Your turn!

You're welcome.

In Which I Have A Guest Blogger And Prove What An Awesome Hostess I Am. I Hardly Even Made Her Wipe Her Shoes Off Before She Came In.

So you know I've been all tongue-tied and whatnot over here, with the occasional exception, and I was whining a bit (no really, I whine sometimes) (I know, it's a shock) to DraftQueen and then begged her to rescue me with a guest post and LO AND BEHOLD here it is. 

Seriously, I big puffy heart that woman. Even though some silly little details like crazy and mysterious health issues (I mean really, who needs to breathe?) prevented her from coming here to Michigan this month. Le sigh. I forgive.

She has a companion piece going up over on her blog today, so feel free to go see what it says. I have a feeling it may be a little less PG-rated, though, mind you. Heehee.

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I'm taking over this here blog.

I have permission, you see. TeacherMommy said I could invade her bloggy space and throw some content at you.

I didn't make any real promises as to what the content may be, however. Though I mentioned I'd try to keep it clean. If you have ever read my blog you know that it's a grammatically incorrect free-for-all onto which I spill whatever is on my mind.

My mind isn't G-rated.

Which isn't to say it's X rated.

You know, all the time. What I'm saying is I have a tendency to use "mature" language.

I'm trying to avoid X rated and mature language. Which is hard. Something I am completely capable of. I am, after all, a well educated woman.

If your definition of "well educated" is been in college since forever and still lacks a degree.

Sure, I have certificates in a few areas: birth and post partum doula; lactation consultant; phlebotomist, but I lack a "normal" degree.

I've been in college since January 1996. Yes, I know that was 14 years ago. I took some time off to do things like obtain those certificates and breed.

I think if they awarded degrees in switching majors, I'd have 2 with a minor in switching schools. I started as an early elementary education major; it lasted one semester. I had to do a practicum with actual kindergartners and I realized this was not a job I could do daily until I hit retirement age.

Or 25.

I can't remember the path I took to get to my current degree-in-progress but I can tell you the list of majors I have had is somewhat long. I think they include everything except math-based majors.

Math makes my head hurt.

Which was why I stopped being a business major. (Who knew there was all that math involved? Certainly not me.)

I was really good at the science related majors; better in the life sciences. I guess that's why I haven't ditched my dream of becoming a midwife, but please don't tell my fiance that. He is under the impression that once I finish my current plans I am going to stick with a job in the profession that corresponds with my current education.

I don't know why he would think that. My current job doesn't reflect my educational goals and it certainly could.

So what's my major?

I'm currently a US Government History major. And a Political Science Major. With a minor in life science and a minor in legal studies. My minors are finished, which is why they are tacked on there. (If you want to get all degree-technical, I'll be earning my Bachelors and my Masters in Political Science at the same time.

I jammed it all in there, baby. When I'm done with that, the plan is to get a JD.

I'm a masochist, that's why.

Currently, I work in a lab processing specialty genetic testing. You know, DNA. It's completely fascinating. (And for a few months minutes I considered switching my major. Which would mean I was at the wrong school. Because I do love my fiancé, I did not.)

I didn't say it made sense.

I never make sense.

I lost you, didn't I?

*Sigh*

In Which I Am Both Cheap and Shiny. Kind of Like Your Uncle Bob's Suit. You Know, the One He's Worn For Years? Yeah. It Just Means I'm Worth Keeping Around, Right? Right?!?!

MTL: It's like I won the lottery with you, except I didn't have to enter.

TM: Well, you did kind of spend thirty dollars for a ticket.*

MTL: True. Best thirty bucks I ever spent. Now that I think about it, the ticket was kind of expensive when the prize is so cheap.

--Silence--

MTL: Um. That didn't come out right.

TM: Would you like to clarify that one for me?

MTL: What I meant was, you see, that you're so low-maintenance.

TM: Ah. Okay. I won't hit you then.

He's lucky he's so dang cute. And that I get him and knew it was just a brain-mouth disconnect. Besides, he's pretty much right. I am low-maintenance. I like it that way. For that matter, most men I know like it that way. In real women, at least.

My hair? I wash it in the mornings with Pantene. I towel-dry it vigorously. Then I run a brush through it and go. No blow dryer, no product, no hair irons.

My clothes? Yeah, I like to look good, but I tend to keep things pretty simple. Nothing too overwrought or complicated to grab and go.

My morning routine? I've been known to get showered, get dressed, get the boylets dressed, grab our stuff, and be out the door in twenty-five minutes. That's under pressure, granted, but still.

So yeah, I'm low-maintenance.

However, I'm very rarely seen out of the house without some makeup on.

It's nothing much, mind you. Powder, blusher, eyeliner, mascara. Perhaps a little eyeshadow. I can whip it on in a few minutes. But I wear it every day.

We all have our insecurities about our appearance. We all have our security blankets. Mine happens to sit around in a little pink bag. See, I'm as critical about myself as the next person. I scowl at my brownie muffin tops. I suck in my squishy belly. I peer at my complexion in the mirror, sighing over the scars and lines and certain other aspects that I'm not going to admit to in writing. Then I pull out my makeup bag and brush on a subtle veneer.

So when Jodie over at Mummy Mayhem challenged bloggers to post their naked faces on their blogs, sans makeup, sans primping, sans anything but woman au naturel, I was more than a little nervous. But her argument about how critical we women are about our bodies was a good one, and her challenge to bloggers to link up along with her has received a wonderful response. And then the amazing Wanderlust joined in with her own post, and when I whined in a comment about not having a good camera, she sent me a lovely and encouraging and totally guilt-trippy email more or less commanding me to Do It Anyway and so...

Here's the picture I just took of myself after my nightly ablutions, squeaky clean face and all (I swear it's fuzzy because of the crappy cell phone camera, not from any retouching):

And as proof that sometimes this happens without planning, this photo is from about three months ago on a day when I overslept my alarm, didn't even have time to shower (thus the hat for hair control purposes), and got nowhere near my little pink bag:

I've exposed a good bit of my heart and mind and soul on this blog. I suppose it only makes sense for me to expose my face as well.

Do you hide behind that sexy camera angle or PhotoShop magic or whatnot on your blog? Then head over and take the challenge too. I dare ya.

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*That's a story for another time. It probably sounds worse than it is.** But that could just be my gutter brain working.

**which isn't bad, trust me on that one. Get your own brain out of the gutter! Arby, I'm looking at you.

I'm Pretty Awesome With Toast, Though

Look, I just don't cook from scratch much these days. Generally speaking, I'm capable of being a damn good cook, but for the last couple of years I've been incredibly reluctant. I'm also far more prone to messing up than I used to be. I even found myself overcooking good old mac 'n' cheese the other day because I wasn't paying close enough attention.

I blame DramaBoy, really, or rather the food sensitivities he had for so long. I had to focus so much on food and what was in it and finding special foods and cooking everything from scratch. It was overwhelming. Couple that with major depression, and I burned out.

You'd think that this would have faded with so much time. It has been two years, after all. Surely I'd have rebounded by now. And in some ways I have. I don't hate being in the kitchen like I did for a while. I find myself quite willing to be part of a cooking team, in fact. But cooking alone and every day? I still dislike it. Strongly.

Nevertheless, when Lauren posted about making Pizza Loaf, a variation on one of the meals I actually loved at boarding school, nostalgia worked its magic. Besides, I thought the recipe looked simple enough.

Ha.

I should have known better. Lauren is one of those women who makes things look easy. I love her, but like my sister, there are times when it's a really good thing I do, because that stupid inferiority complex of mine comes surging to the surface. Just sayin'.

(And I didn't giggle AT ALL over her post the other day confessing that she and her beautiful children are, in fact, human. I'd never do something like that.)

I SWEAR I followed her instructions. But I was all stressed and chaotic and whatnot, like that's anything out of the ordinary, and it took a lot longer than it should have and my pizza loaf was huge and falling apart and had holes where it shouldn't and I forgot the cheese and had to open it back up to put cheese in and it looked like a Huge Mess.

Oy.

I felt like crying. I got crabby with MTL instead, because of course I didn't cook this massive meal for just me and my two kidlets. Oh no, I tried out a completely new recipe involving dough from scratch while cooking for other people in an unfamiliar kitchen. I AM SPECIAL THAT WAY.

I baked the damn thing anyway, and it turned out okay. Just okay, not fabulous, but good enough that I decided that perhaps, with a little tweaking and practice and maybe, oh I don't know, FOCUS, perhaps it would be worth trying again.

In a few months.

Until then, I'm going to practice making mac 'n' cheese.

January

My friend Fraught Mummy (Brits in Bosnia) sent me this because of my ongoing problem with January. It's written and shot by an old friend of hers. It nearly made me cry. It's too perfect for how I've been feeling this month.

Thank you, Fraught Mummy! Sometimes it's little things like that that carry me through.

On Friendship, New and Old

Living a life of international transience as I did for so many years plays its toll on one's friend-making and -keeping. I am what is called a "Third Culture Kid," or TCK, and we have our own special little set of issues and challenges, just like every other fun little group. Different TCKs react differently to the kinds of experiences we've had.

My sister, for example, rather enjoys moving about from city to city, from state to state, and seems to get itchy feet when she's been in one place for more than a couple of years. She views moving as an exciting challenge, an opportunity to meet new people and explore new places. She can also walk into a room full of strangers and walk out with a half-dozen lifelong friends.

I, on the other hand, hate the idea of moving much at all. It's hard enough to think about moving as much as an hour away from people with whom I am close, much less to a whole different state. My roots are set pretty deeply in my area, even if it's not in a particular house. I do love to travel--but I need that stable home base to which I can return. I also struggled for much of my life to both make and keep friends.

I've mentioned before that I have a hard time connecting completely with anyone in my life, whether friends or family or significant other. Trust me, it's something that's been coming up a lot in conversations with my therapist and some loved ones. One result of this issue for me is that when I feel like a relationship is slipping away or becoming difficult, or if someone is phsyically leaving/moving, I start disconnecting emotionally, sort of a pre-emptive way of dealing with the pain. I know, not all that healthy of a move.

But when one says goodbye to person after person and friend after friend and family member after family member for years on end, one develops certain coping mechanisms, and that one was mine. Is mine.

There have been some friendships that have ended over the years because of the mechanism: some with a whimper or a fading sigh, and some with a bit of a bang. I also began to withdraw more than I should have from taking risks and making friends over the last ten years, for reasons a little too complicated and sensitive to go into here. At any rate, there are too many people with whom I used to be close (or as close as I would let them be) than with whom I was close in the last decade or so.

Last year when everything fell apart and I finally started the painful process of stripping away many of the Things and Issues that were clogging my psychological pores, I started opening up to people, slowly and bit by bit, but surely. People I already counted as friends become closer and more intimate friends. I made new ones. And now I'm starting to reconnect with former friends, and in some cases, right some wrongs and heal some hurts.

Blogging opened me up to making new friends I never would have made before--I count many of you, dear readers, in that number. Some of you have become particularly close, whether or not I've physically met you (yet). In particular, Arby, Mom Zombie, and my beloved Draft Queen have become people I consider close or even intimate friends, the sort of friends with whom I can talk about difficult things and confide in and listen to and have kick my ass from time to time when necessary. There have been times when each of those three people have made a difference in a moment, an hour, a day, and I am so grateful. Other readers (and you know who you are) have also made a difference, have become people whom I can trust and to whom I can reach out. I hope you feel the same way.

I already was on Facebook (under my real name, and no I'm not linking it here) before everything fell apart, and I had well over 200 people friended there (this is also a side effect of international transience and that whole boarding school thing), but I rarely communicated much of anything there or connected to anyone. I did reconnect in a general sort of way to Kathleen, who had been a childhood friend, and we also connected through our blogs, but I kept our relationship fairly casual. I was still holding people at bay.

That started changing when I started opening up last year. I now have a closer relationship to Kathleen than I would allow before. And over on Facebook I started connecting with people from my past in a more real way. Some I had known very superficially in the past, mostly through going to the same school. It's rather bizarre to find myself in a lengthy and honest online chat with people I wasn't sure even knew I existed back then. Others had been friends, though casual. Recently, however, I have started reaching out (rather than waiting for others to reach out to me) and consciously reconnecting with certain people.

There are several friendships that had faded with distance and time that I have rekindled. I am meeting one of those friends on Monday for coffee to catch up after almost eight years of rare communication. I am very excited to see her. Even more significantly, however, I have now reconnected with two women who used to be, at different points in my college years, the women with whom I considered myself best friends. Both of those relationships ended under painful circumstances. I had refused to acknowledge how painful those wounds still were until they started to heal, at long last, by connecting with those women.

Tonight one of them is coming to see me, to have spaghetti and garlic bread with me and my children and then just sit and talk once the boys are in bed. My friendship with her was one I had actually mourned, even though I wouldn't admit how much I was still bothered, some twelve years later, by how it had ended and by her absence in my life. Two weeks ago we talked on the phone for two hours, catching up and laughing and commiserating and, yes, apologizing at long last for our parts in how things played out lo! those many years ago.

I know many people think that all the online social networking and blogs and whatnot are silly or stupid or dangerous or whatever. To an extent, they're right. One really has to be cautious, because there are far too many dangers of all sorts lurking on the Web. However, my life would be considerably poorer and emptier without the people I have met or re-met through the Internet.

So regardless of the drama or blogger's block or necessary caution regarding privacy and all that sort of fun stuff, I'll keep blogging and social networking and flinging my thoughts and words out there across the ether. It's all worth it in the end.

This One Goes Out to Some Blogs I Love

I thought I had just enough time before I dashed out the door to meet the fabulous Melissa of Rock and Drool for a tweet-up (ye Internet gods! I cannot believe I'm doing this) to dash off a quick post in which I celebrate (drum roll please!):

Me!

Heh. Turns out I'm finishing this later. There's just so much of me to go around!


You see, I was notified about a blog award from a lovely follower AGES ago and it was right during a crazy time (because I have SO FEW of those) and I never did get around to acknowledging it and then passing it on. And then today I got ANOTHER blog award from ANOTHER lovely follower, and so I figured it's time to actually do something about these lovely people and lovely awards.

I'd like to thank the Academy for...

Oops. Adolescent daydream moment there.

In reality (or virtuality, I suppose) I'd love to thank the marvelous sAm of I've been set free for her (long ago) "Queen of all things" award:

For which the rules are:

1. List 7 things that make me Awe-Summm
2. Pass the award onto 7 bloggers that I love (except I'm doing eight because I'm such a rebel)
3. Tag those bloggers to let them know they are now Queens too (and link back to the Queen who tagged you)

So here you go--Seven Things That Make Me Awe-Summm:

1. I can wiggle my ears. Without using my fingers or other objects. Sheerly by will and freakish head muscles alone.

2. I have two biological children, both of whom I bore to term, and yet have never had a contraction. Not even Braxton-Hicks. (Of course, I do have a freakishly large scar on my lower abdomen and a nice little belly shelf to hang over it.)

3. Last time I was tested, I could read 1,750 words per minute with a 90-95% comprehension rate. No wonder it's impossible to keep me in books.

4. My best friend when I was three was a West African red monkey named Mickey. No, really.

5. When I watch "Wheel of Fortune," I can usually guess the answers before anyone else even has a remote clue. Sometimes with only two or three letters on the board.

6. When I put my mind to it, I can cook AWESOME meals. You should taste my Maple Salmon. It's amazing. It, in fact, is what got my brother-in-law to fall in love with salmon, which led to him ordering on his honeymoon in Aruba, which led to him having a horrible allergic reaction (turns out he should Never Eat Fish Ever) which made him look like Grimace and sent them to the emergency room. But that was a freak incident, really.

7. I have eaten fried termites. By choice. And enjoyed them. They taste like roasted pumpkin seeds.


And now I tag the following Queens for this award:


1. Melissa at Rock and Drool (where she is, truly, the Queen of her Queendom)
2. Fraught Mummy at Brits in Bosnia (Hopefully this doesn't constitute treason for her, what with the whole monarchy thing)
3. MomZombie at Mom-Zombie (she's not actually the Queen-Mother of the undead, FYI)
4. Monica at And I'll Raise You 5 (anyone who can parent five children and stay halfway sane is Awe-summm in my book!)
5. Beth at BurkinaMom in France (a truly international woman who has a wonderful global view of life)
6. GingerB at Gas-Food-Lodging (who makes me giggle and gives me a dose of red-headed darlings every now and then)
7. Kathleen at Treasured Chapters (who makes homeschooling sound almost fun--almost)
8. MommyTime at Mommy's Martini (who just lost her eyelashes in a near miss but is no doubt gorgeous anyhow--certainly still as well-written!)

Now for the second award. The ever-so-generous Fraught Mummy at Brits in Bosnia once again gave me an award, and once again it contains profanity. I swear (inadvertently), she's trying to get me disowned or something. The good news is that it's only profanity in countries that are part of the British Commonwealth, and that isn't in the good old rebellious US of A! So I don't have to blush when I tell you that she awarded me:

Why thank you, m'dear. Thank you. I try.

There are no rules for this award, and I've decided to award it in turn to a few blogs, either new or very undervisited, whose brilliance may not be as recognized as some, but definitely deserve it. So I give you:

1. Jello Brain at That's Not Jello, That's My Brain: A brand new blog that's taking off like a rocket--THE place to vent in safety and get love and support in return.
2. Heidi at Hortus Deliciarum: She's one of my oldest friends (timeline-wise--we're almost the same age) and her writing is amazing. Oh, and according to her latest post, her dreams are brilliant too.
3. Arby at Boarding in Bedlam: A real live stay-at-home homeschooling dad who writes with wit, wisdom, and a snarky comment or two.

If you haven't already, check them out. They're worth a visit.

There you go.

Oh, and if you live in the Metro Detroit area (or just want to see what's happening in these parts) check out the new Detroit Mommies website! Get recommendations, reviews, and event alerts for the whole area from real live bloggers in the area. I'm a contributor over there, and I just had posts about LebFest 2009 and the Ann Arbor Hands-On Museum go up! Come on over and see what the Metro Detroit area has to offer!

Marinara Totally Counts As A Vegetable, Right?

I think, but I may be wrong, that I introduced Beth and Heidi via my global Mommyblog review posts. Could be wrong. Am I wrong, you beautiful ladies? You see, they have Burkina Faso in common. I have West Africa in common with them as well, but slightly south--I grew up in Cote d'Ivoire, the country just below.

Anywho, they now comment on each other's posts and chat back and forth and now they're both doing Taciturn Tuesdays, which of course makes me just blitheringly jealous because I'm petty like that. They should, of course, both be commenting nonstop on my blog and loving me best.

Sometimes I can be very small minded.

Moving on, and hoping that perhaps by joining them in Taciturn Tuesday this time around I can feel like part of the club, here's my little contribution to the day (Though yeah, I'm not so good at the Taciturn part. Sue me. I'm wordy.):

Today I picked the boys up from daycare and we went to their Grandma's (my m-i-l) to spend some time together. We were going to go to a playground, but first, because we were hungry, we went to Big Boy's. We're crazy adventurous like that.

It should be noted that normally The Widget operates much like a vacuum cleaner with any foodstuffs placed before, behind, beside, and above him, including the clogging and resultant need for icky clearing-out-of-hose/mouth that comes from stuffing too much into a small space. DramaBoy, on the other hand, will happily munch on snacks all day but tends to turn up his nose at most "real" food. Dinner is a time for him to live up to his nickname.

Turns out that the last time he went to BB with Grandma, he had the spaghetti. And the Hot Fudge Ice Cream Brownie dessert. And thus it was with much emphasis that he informed the waitress (a former student of mine, by the way) that he was going to have the basketti! The kid's meal basketti! And The Widget will have the kid's meal chicken! At the top of his lungs.

Hey, she got the order right.

Little did I know that I should have been feeding this boy spaghetti all along. He scarfed it down, getting only a mild amount of marinara sauce all over his mouth/hands/shirt/jeans. And then he shared the HFICB dessert with his Grandma. Well, I was required to eat the four (4!) maraschino cherries off the top because, as he reminded us, Mama, you have to eat the cherries because they're red and they have lots of red food dye and I can't eat the red food dye because it will make me itchy!

The sacrifices I make for my children.

(The Widget and I ate plain brownies because he's lactose intolerant and I'm picky about ice cream. When I say he ate a brownie, I mean he got huge amounts of sticky chocolate crumbs all over himself/his seat/the table/the floor and required an emergency visit to the restroom. If I'd had any cash on me I would have left about $10 as an apology to the poor busboy who had to clean up after us.)

Oh, the taciturn part? Here you go. Grandma ate about six bites of the MONSTROUS dessert the waitress brought (I think she was charmed by DramaBoy and went a little overboard), and DramaBoy ate...

and ate....

and posed for a silly picture on my request...

and ate some more...

and posed for another silly picture on his demand...

and left this as the (relatively) tiny remainder of what he had begun. Note the sneaking finger to grab a last bit of whipped cream.

Spaghetti, ice cream, and brownies. That totally counts as a balanced meal, right?

Join Me On My Journey: Part Two (Because Even Though Ian McKellan Is Yummy In That Villainous Sort of Way, I Really Don't Need To Watch Macbeth Again)

I've revisited David's latest 80 Clicks Update over at It's Not a Lecture (it's up to update SEVEN! with 172 posts from bloggers in or from 36 countries and features posts in six languages!) and have discovered more well-written posts by MommyBloggers (and some GrandmommyBloggers) all over the world. Once again, I may have to add to my Blogroll, and that's just getting obnoxious. Damn you and your brilliant ideas, David and Catherine!

Here are some of my newest favorite posts:

1. Maggie over at Moppet Tales has a short but cheerful post, including a delightful description of toddler musicality that made me chuckle.

2. Kath over at Blurb from the Blurbs has amazingly descriptive memories, including one involving vomit, which is all too real for me these days. Oh, and she apparently has/had a brain tumor, which just makes me all the more amazed because seriously.

3. There's just something about Goofy Mumma's post over at A Goofy Mumma's Happy Blog that made me smile. Maybe it's the goofiness that comes through (which is always endearing) or the adorable pictures or the glimpse of Indian mummahood...

4. What is it about these brilliant British bloggers? English Mum over at English Mum in Ireland gave a wonderful, funny, and oh-so-slightly-scary view into my future when my boyish tots become boyish teens.

5. I pretty much nodded (in the agreeing sort of way, not the nodding off sort) all the way through this post by Inexplicably over at Inexplicably. Another Indian MommyBlogger, by the way.

6. Barbara over at Barbara's 365 (I think that's the title--it's a little unclear) is gently amusing in her post, and somehow I get the feeling we would really get along. Although I'm highly frustrated that her tantalizing link to Attack of the Redneck Mommy got me nowhere because Redneck Mommy apparently is considered Tasteless & Offensive by my work web filter. Which of course just makes me want to read it all the more. Damn Barracuda.

7. Choxbox at Life is a box of chocolates did a second post, this time a little more about the two eras of her life (Before Children and After Delivery) that I really enjoyed, more so than her first (Which was perfectly fine, no offense meant, but the second one was more UNIQUE. This is a truism of most memes, though, so nothing personal. Oh dear. Now I feel a little guilty).

8. Lavs at A Celebration called Life is brilliant in her post. I especially loved her statement (so TRUE!) that Motherhood tears apart all crooked, half cooked and full baked theories which one might have formed prior to motherhood. Your kid will ensure that the words you had uttered, in fury of young blood cruising your veins, would one day come back to hit you right in the face.

9. I just plain ENJOYED this post by kbpm over at musings from mumbai. She's a teacher, a bibliophile/maniac, a mommy--hmm. Sound familiar? Plus she's funny. Always a bonus.

10. Wordjunkie over at WordJunkie is just what she says--a wordjunkie--and as a result I just delighted in reading her post. She breaks the rules about listing FIVE things, but I had to go back after to check that because (1) she didn't number them, and (b) I didn't mind at all. List on, Wordjunkie, list on.

11. Parul Sharma at Bringing Up Adi is a published author and I might just have to track down her book if it's as funny and well-written as her post. Plus, I just have to agree with her when she says My question is - why does parenting have to be perfect? A beautiful experience with no ups and downs? Hell, if it was not for the other side of parenting, the one where all the flaws and darkness, not to mention the poop and throw-up exists, it would not half as interesting. Or smelly. As I already mentioned earlier today, my parenting experience is currently quite interesting and definitely smelly.

12. Baino at Baino's Banter takes us through the whole experience of motherhood (her kidlets are now adultlets) in an adrenaline rush of a post. I hope I survive as well as she apparently has!

That's enough for now. Whew! I still have a lot of reading to do. And I haven't even really gotten around to commenting at these wonderful blogs! However, Time and the hour run through the roughest day and so it is with me. I must hie me to my students and guide them in their endeavors. There shall perchance be more anon!

Join Me in My Journey: Part One (Unless I never get around to doing any more parts. One never knows.)

Ever since I read My Bad Mother's post challenging mommybloggers to journey 'round the world, and promptly posted my response, I've dipped from time to time into other mommy's posts. As a result, my blogroll is getting awfully lengthy. I'm actually finding myself a wee bit grateful that not everyone posts on a daily basis, because although I'm a crazy fast reader (seriously, people hate me), I could end up spending the majority of my day just reading blogs.

Easily.

Anywho, I thought maybe I'd continue the journey a little more (because the bloggers I linked on my post didn't post, shame on them) by linking some of the posts I've read that have touched me in a particular way, or made me laugh extra hard, or whatever.

Because I'm generous, and I love to get people addicted to reading. Even if only to Mommyblogs. (By the way, I know some people don't like that term, but I really do. Because that's what we are, and that's what they are, even when our posts aren't purely about children or motherhood. Being a Mommy is a glorious title, and a complex one, and it's more than just bottle and diapers and boo boos, as the first poster I'm linking says.)

And remember, those of you who read my blog and aren't mothers (I'm thinking, in particular, of you, Eric!) not only mommies can get something out of well-written Mommyblog posts.

Have fun reading!

I'd normally want to add some sweet 'n' sour to the whiskey, but this post on Whiskey in My Sippy Cup sure went down smooth.

Brit in Bosnia has a lovely British snarkiness in her post that made me immediately want to check her out otherwise. Snarky is good.

MKM over at Expatriate Games intrigued me because she's surviving--very well--being a single mother. With my own marital future so up in the air, and already single-parenting my kids to a certain extent in separation mode, it was good to read a reminder that single parenting can be full of very good things.

The (apparently) nameless blogger at Planet Nomad wrote a post about her kids as TCKs (Third Culture Kids) which struck a note because of my own background as a TCK.

Vania at Capsula del Tiempo (who blogs in both Spanish and English--very kind of her to provide the translation!) has some highly amusing and oh-so-true observations. Plus maybe I have a chance of impressing my DramaBoy if I can pick up some Spanish from her, since he's ahead of me there due to those Spanish lessons he's been getting.

Monica at And I'll Raise You 5 has a delightful snarkiness that I imagine has helped her survive being the mother of five kids--which is three more than I can even barely handle at the moment, so bravo Monica. I lolled at her first listing: I love the sense of absolute power I have over my kids. I am she-who-must-be-obeyed. I love having this much power over other human beings so much that sometimes I make them do things just because I can. So true. So true.

Oreneta over at Oreneta Aground is just plain hilarious in that stream-of-barely-consciousness way that cracks me up. Worth a read, and I will probably be back again. She's the type of blogger that tempts me to join Twitter, just cuz I know I'd be laughing frequently.

MamaShift at Travel Shifts wrote a beautiful, poetic post that brought tears to my eyes.

Whew! I'm barely halfway through David's massive list over at It's Not a Lecture! Lots of reading still to do, and I think I'll stop this post for now because I'm already on day two of writing it. I hate that this will post as if it was yesterday when it's really today because I'd rather not live in the past, but these are the burdens we Blogger people must bear. Sigh.

And now I have to also go update my blogroll and desperately try to keep up with my reading.

Oh, and I think I'm supposed to be working. Yeah.

Too bad I can't be paid for reading blogs.

Around the World in 80 Clicks

Catherine Connors of Her Bad Mother has proposed a challenge to MommyBloggers everywhere (I'll put it in her own words here):

A few months ago, my friend David asked me if I thought that it would be possible to travel around the world via blog. "Like Around The World In 80 Days," he said, "but on the Internet. Around the world in 80 clicks. 80 mom-blogger clicks!" "I don't know," I said. "But it sure sounds like a cool thing to try." "Cool. And if you could visit, virtually, moms around the world, what would you want to talk to them about?"

Here's how it's going to work: this post that you're reading? Is the departure lounge. I'm going to link to a couple of other mom bloggers here in Canada, and to a couple of mom bloggers from other countries around the world, and they'll write their posts, sharing 5 things that they love (or maybe what they don't so much love - this playground doesn't force conformity) about being a mom, and then they'll tag a few more bloggers from their own country and from other countries, and so on. And you're more than welcome to join: just write a post of your own (5 things that you love about being a mom) and find someone to link to and tag - someone from your own country, if you like, but definitely someone from another country (Google is a good resource if you don't know any; google any country name and 'mom' in their blog search function) (be sure to let them know that you've tagged them!) - and link back here and leave a comment and we'll add you to the 'itinerary,' which David will compile and post and update as the tour proceeds.

I'm not one of the blessed few she linked to, but I'm taking her up on her challenge and joining in. I have blogger friends in various locales, and so do they, so we might actually get somewhere!

As Her Bad Mother said, it isn't motherhood itself, as a universal concept, that gives me joy. Motherhood is hard. I've struggled with it more than some and less than others. As I just commented over at Frog and Toad Are Still Friends in response to Beck's mea culpa about judging working mothers, I (for the most part) choose to work. I am not by nature an amazing SAHM (Stay At Home Mom for the uninitiated) and have particularly struggled with summer vacations. Part of this is my inherent selfishness: I desire more Me time than children, especially small children, permit. Part is the PPD (Post-Partum Depression, you ignoramuses out there) that I have been not dealing with for three years and which created an emotional barrier between me and my children. Part of this is personality: I deal better with older children for extended periods of time, and I crave the interaction of the working world.

I am enjoying my children more now that I am facing my dragons and getting help. I also am going to be proactive this coming summer and plan more with my children, especially taking advantage of the SAHM friends. I do better if I get Out and About with the boys, especially in the company of sympatico adults. The TV is less likely to be my main source of entertainment that way.

Lest you start thinking you should perhaps have a chat with social services, let me assure you that I am, in fact, a pretty good mother. Improving all the time, I hope, but pretty good. And I do, in fact, love being a mom--at least in part. It's hard work. There's a reason that so very many, many marriages suffer severely in the first few years of parenthood. Marriage is hard work too, and sometimes the one suffers because of the other--or both suffer mutually. Unfortunately society tends to frown on people complaining (in any real way beyond Oh, I'm so tired! and I'm so sick of changing diapers! and that sort of complaint) about the very real, hardcore, deep-down I don't know if I can even do this sort of difficulty that motherhood--or parenthood, for that matter--presents. We're supposed to love it, glory in it, and never betray just how miserable we are sometimes.

Which is why MommyBlogging can sometimes be such a lifeline. I've read the MommyBlogs that make motherhood sounds like it's all daisychains and butterflies and puppydogs, but those are the blogs I tend not to reread. I've also read a few MommyBlogs that I hesitate to label as such, since all they do is bash motherhood. Poor children. I stick, in the long run, to those that have a balance. There may be daisychains, but sometimes they include poison ivy. The butterflies occasionally get snapped up by a passing bird. And puppydogs poop. These are the blogs that give me laughter and tears in equal measure.

And so does being a mom.

For today, I'm focusing on the positive. Here are five things I love about motherhood:

1. I love the ear-to-ear grins and cries of Mama! when I walk in the door--any door--after some time apart from my boys, whether it be two hours or two days. They're better than puppies for unadulterated joy upon seeing my face. The feeling is mutual.

2. I love the snuggles and hugs and moist, messy kisses. They're even hard to resist when I'm trying to get the kidlets to Just Go To Sleep, Dammit. Just one more hug, Mommy! (DramaBoy) and Hug! Hug! Wuv oo! (The Widget) are the most effective stalling tactics they have in their arsenal.

3. I love their joy when they play together. Last night I watched them as they crawled around on the floor together chasing a few ants. Bug! Bug! they shouted gleefully, and peals of giggles burst forth. I could have watched them for ages. I wish the video camera had been working.

4. I love seeing their amazing leaps of development and intelligence. It's hard not to take it personally, as though it's some credit to me and my genes. Though of course, I am brilliant, and so is ComputerDaddy, so it only makes sense that the kidlets are too.

5. I love being able to make their day with the smallest things. Whether it's a juice box, some Chicken McNuggets, or a giant dragon bought at a Mom-to-Mom sale for a measly $1, being able to bring joy to someone (especially someone I love so much) so easily is wonderful. I love that they're so uncomplicated that way.

So there you go. And now I'm tagging Lauren (Australia) at Sparkling Adventures, Kathleen (Georgia--the state) at Treasured Chapters, Katrina (Michigan) at From Our World to Yours, and Heidi (Oregon) at Hortus Deliciarum. Let's get this trip going!