Dear Faithful Readers,
In case you couldn't tell from my last few posts, I've been stuck in serious mode lately. Part of this is the lack of kidlets in my immediate vicinity (I haven't seen them in a week now) because having them around drives me crazy and funny at the same time. I think they're linked--I believe finding the humor in being a parent is sheer self-defense.
So with no kidlets around for almost seven days now I've instead been plunged into my own head, facing my hope and my sorrow, my dreams and my fears. When I am struggling with emotion, poetry is my refuge, which is why there's been a good bit of that lately.
I've made it a sort of unofficial policy of mine not to air too much dirty laundry on this blog. There are two reasons for this. First, I'm not the only one involved. I don't want to delve too deeply into other people's stories without their express permission. I happen to know that He Who Was would rather I didn't mention our divorce at all: I'm compromising by not going too deeply into details, particularly where he is directly involved. And there are details that other family members don't know and, really, don't need to know. There is such a thing as being too transparent.
Second, while I am technically anonymous on this blog, it wouldn't take too much for people in my workplace to find me and know immediately that it is me. I mean, there's my picture up there. And they've seen me with pink hair because I did that look for an '80s Day at school this last year. I'm probably all over MySpace and Facebook in my pink hair, eyeliner, and punk clothes, considering the number of cell phone cameras whipped out that day. And let's face it, there's a certain amount of danger in airing personal information on the Internet, particularly when you're in a position of some sensitivity, like an educator.
I'm still learning the balance. I've lived most of my life being too secretive, keeping people at arm's length as far as the Real Me was concerned. I now am trying to live a life of honesty and transparency, but in some ways I tend to go too far in the opposite direction. Amazingly, I now find such freedom and exhilaration in telling people the truth that I have to watch my tongue. There have probably already been cases of people pulling away, wondering who this crazy lady is who shares all these personal details with everyone.
I guess I feel like I don't have a lot to lose, and there's so much to gain.
However, not everyone needs to know everything, and so I'm learning the balance. If you have questions, please ask them--and enable your email in your profile!!!!--and I am happy to share specifics in personal emails. Just ask Arby about that. ;) And if you think I might be going a little too transparent and overstepping boundaries, please give me the heads up. Sometimes that's hard to see from where I am.
I'm relieved to see that my recent string of serious, if not downright depressing, posts has not (as far as I can tell) lost me readers. I will be picking up my precious boys this afternoon (oh how I miss those cuddles and kisses!), so you may be getting more Adventures of DramaBoy and The Widget coming your way to alleviate the darkness!
In the meantime...thank you for reading. And thank you, as always, for your comments and love and support. My online support system has been incredible, and I'm very grateful for you all.
Yours, as always,
3 years ago