patience is a virtue
true
but i'm not that virtuous
and instead sit gritting teeth
clenching fists
eying the heavens to ask
when?
it doesn't seem much to ask
just a deadline
not even an hour
just a date
june 21st
for example
and then i can exhale and say
all right
i can hold out until then
i'm sure this is all very
character building
this uncertainty and fear
lessons i sorely need
in patience and reliance on others
and yes
i know i need to
let go let God
release it all and
take it day by day
all those old cliches
and aphorisms
and maxims
that are rooted in truth
but knowledge
and application
are two different things
i think i may be lacking the gene for patience
so i asked a friend to pull in her contacts
and see if they could splice me one
you see?
i'm already asking for help
and that's better than i used to be
when i thought i had to do everything on my own
maybe they'll earn a nobel prize
for genetics
by decoding a patience gene
and helping me out
until then
i sit here on the couch
remind myself to breathe
think a bit
pray a bit
and quell the urge to catch time by the throat
and throttle some certainty out of it
10 years ago
2 bits of love:
Okay. You should know that this made me nearly spit coffee.
And also? How the hell do you write poetry that fast? I can't do it at all and you did it in like 5 minutes WHILE IM'ing me.
Oh to throttle some certainty out of time.
This is how I used to feel when I was single - year after year after year (til age 42!). "If I just *knew* I was never going to get married and have children, etc. - then I could deal with it and move on." Sometimes it's the NOT KNOWING that is so difficult.
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