Diapers and Dragons

Sunday, January 3, 2010

In Which I Ramble and Debate Existence as an Appliance

So I seem to have added a follower in the last couple of days, which is amazing because hello, haven't been here much. Nevertheless, gratifying and all that.

I seem to be in a blogging block right now, and even though I understand WHY, it's a little difficult to figure out how to overcome it all. Because people, there are so many things I CAN'T talk about on here that it's becoming difficult to figure out what I CAN talk about.

Things I Can't Or Won't Discuss On Here (At The Moment or At Least At Any Length):
1. My divorce--you know, all those legal things and not wanting to create drama if I can help it
2. My ex--because he doesn't want me to and I'm not sure how to write about him anyhow
3. My boyfriend--because he also likes some privacy and it seems like a lot of my family is all weirded out about me having one anyways and, you know, the divorce is still ongoing and all that crap
4. My angst--well, I could, but I don't want to because there's been too much of that and I'm getting sick of myself already

So on the rare occasions lately that I've even sat down at the computer, I find myself in the virtual equivalent of blank face and gaping mouth. What I do write seems to come across flat and uninspired. My sense of humor seems to be lacking, for one thing, at least when I write here.

Believe it or not, I still do have one. It just seems to be reserving itself for Real Life. Ask my friends--I've been making jokes and laughing and being snarky as usual. Really. But when I sit down here...it all seems to fade.

This post was a lot funnier in my head. You know, while I was sitting on the toilet thinking about posting something for once.

Isn't it phenomenally unfair how the best posts seem to come at the worst times? I'll be driving or in the shower or on the toilet or in the middle of teaching or cooking (ha!) or out on a four-wheeler or something, anything that means I cannot sit down right that minute and even jot ideas down, much less get online and write the post. I'm a brilliant writer in my own mind. Unfortunately, my mind doesn't come with a secretary.

That would be an awesome invention, you know. Some sort of device that could plug into the brain and record ideas when you want it to. Then you could work with the text later. Oh, I know there are those little note takers and voice recorders and all, but really, I need something that jacks into my brain directly.

No doubt this would lead to all sorts of horrific brain hacking and greymatter viruses, though, and then we'd just all be destroyed.

Of course, my brain already was hacked by the two little parasites I grew in my womb. I'm pretty sure they downloaded most of my brainpower between the two of them. It's hard to resent it too much, though, because they are awfully bright and brilliant and beautiful, those boys.

Me (cuddling boys close after mediating a wrestling match to determine who got to hug me the most): I love my boys!

DramaBoy: I love my girl!

The Widget: Yeah, I love my grill!

Me (laughing): Oh, so I'm a grill?

DramaBoy (grinning mischievously): Yeah, and I'm a stove!

I'm glad SOMEONE has a sense of humor around here.

9 bits of love:

Draft Queen said...

When I think of all the truly angsty posts I had to delete because they pertained to "Jerkface" I weep a little on the inside.

You're such a good grill, really.

Arby said...

The only way to solve writer's block is to write. You know that. Sitting on the toilet is a great place to generate

(I should stop writing right here and let everyone fill in the blank on their own)

ideas. The real reason WiFi was invented was because no one wanted to ask for a phone line to be installed in the john.

Anonymous said...

MuttonChops Hubby has told me about some research (not HIS research, that's for sure!) where they created a video game where you just THINK about where to move your object, and it moves that way!!! So, that day where your thoughts can be recorded for you in writing is not far away!
King of scary, actually.
- SoccerSister

Heidi said...

I've sometimes thought about bringing a voice recorder along with me to record ideas as I go.

Of course I've never actually done that.

Boy Crazy said...

Lady, I have LONG wanted something that could plug into my brain. And a way to take pictures with just my eyes.

Glad to hear I'm not the only one. And good luck with the divorce proceedings.


MomZombie said...

I totally understand the "what not to post" list, which grows by the day. I've become more aware of who is reading (especially certain relatives and now friends) and think twice. I also understand the post idea striking at the oddest moments. That is why I travel with a pen and paper at all times. Most post ideas are written with one hand on the steering wheel.

LoriM said...

That's why I hesitate from writing a blog. Everything I want to write about is personal. Or seems that way. And I'm afraid I'd reveal too much. Can you make certain posts just viewable by certain people? I know you can do that on Facebook - pretty cool.

The Kampers said...

Of course, my brain already was hacked by the two little parasites I grew in my womb. I'm pretty sure they downloaded most of my brainpower between the two of them.

HAHAHAHAAH, I truly laughed out loud when I read this! You are hilarious! And how true it is!

mom said...

I love your grill, and your stove too!!
And guess why I don't write personal blogs, just ministry blogs . . . might have something to do with all that list of things mostly in my thoughts that I'd better not write for the public. It's okay. It's called having good boundaries, respecting confidences, caring about privacy. And the humor will come when it's the right time for it. Like when your boys are hugging you -- what great medicine! Send some my way, ok?

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