Diapers and Dragons

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

To Whom It May Concern: I Need a Painkiller! Edition

Dear Darling Much-Beloved DramaBoy and Widget,

Seriously? You haven't seen me in four days and you're choosing to push every button I own and drive me up the nearest wall? What are you, cats? You have to punish me for being away? And you had to choose a day when my back feels like it's been walked on by elephants and then nailed to five-inch-thick boards and there's no frickin' way I'm going to be able to grab you both in my muscled mama arms and hoist you both where we need to go?

Because I love you, but, as good old Bill Cosby said, I brought you into this world: I can take you out.

Love and kisses (and get back in bed! I see you there! Who do you think you're kidding, "hiding" behind the trash can?!?)
Your Highly Exasperated Mother

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Dear Dog Who Really Needs to Go to a Better Home but We Can't Seem to Get Off Our Butts and Make It Happen:

If you could develop the ability to open the back door and let yourself out, that would be lovely. I know you have hip displasia, but the prospect of dragging your fifty-pound wiggling weight on your mat over to the door and hoisting you outside into the rain is making me break out in hives. Also, my back just screamed.

Sincerely,
Your Very Apologetic But Seriously DONE Wants-to-be-a-Former Owner

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Dear Wonderful Bloggers Who Inhabit My Blogroll:

Hey, you think you could all take a hiatus from blogging for, say, a week? Because life is pretty chaotic right now and every time I look at all the posts that I haven't been able to read in four days and realize I don't have the time and/or energy to read them for who knows how many more days, a little bit of my blogger me dies. You really don't want me to end up in the foetal position rocking back and forth and moaning The posts! The posts! They just keep coming and things are happening and words are being written and I CAN'T KEEP UP!!!!

With deep and guilty appreciation for your wordy wizardry,
A Blogging Addict Who's Jonesing Hard

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Dear Neck, Shoulders, and Back:

If you torture me much longer with this pain, I will seriously consider trading you in for a better model. I watched Surrogates last week and I'm starting to think maybe that's a good idea. Despite the, you know, downfall of the human race and all that.

Trying not to scream,
The Person Attached to You

9 bits of love:

Arby said...

Ah...just blow off reading blogs. Honestly, I wrote about shamrock shaped hamburgers today. What can you possibly miss? Besides, I'm going on an anti-public school teacher rant in the morning. You'll want to miss it.

oreneta said...

There is a great button, "mark all as read"

Blogging shouldn't add to the stress....

Skip 'em, you know we're still here....

Brenda said...

I hear yah sistah. My school kids are on a 2 week school break. 'Nuff said.

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

With you on the dear boys postcard. How is it they know where all the buttons are, and how to push them so accurately?

Beth said...

I love these pseudo-letter posts you do. They're always LOL material.
I hope you feel better soon!

GingerB said...

See how I am helping you by hardlyu writing at all! I am lucky to post three times a week so I am easier to ignore. I'd share some Percoset if we were close because I am having almost the same week, including aging and profoundly annoying dog.

Heidi said...

A chiropractor is the way to go, hon. Makes ALL the difference (oh, and a good pillow).

MomZombie said...

Write when you can. Read when you have time to enjoy a post. I know where to find you. Blogging isn't fun when there is guilt and duty attached to it.

Stone Fox said...

i would just take a week off from the blogroll and start fresh - probably nobody on your list is going to win the lottery and become a millionaire and then when, a week later, you congratulate them, they say, "well, where have YOU been? oh SURE, now you want to be my friend cause i have lots of money." it's probably not going to happen.

my son is currently in his room, which is right above the room i'm in right now, trying to stomp his way *through* the floor and end up in my lap. he should have been sleeping TWO HOURS AGO. i love kids. (they taste great.)

i hope your back starts feeling better. perhaps there is a *certain someone* who might come over and give you a nice backrub?

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