Diapers and Dragons

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Seriously, When I Hear It "Take Off" I Want to Take Off Too

Why, I ask, are so many children's toys so damn ANNOYING?

They beep, they boop, they screech and ding and howl and flash lights and generally drive any reasonable adult within a twenty-foot radius absolutely insane. They also seem to involve a hundred little pieces that will get misplaced and be found by someone's unsuspecting foot--most often the innocent parent. Oh, and they all require a half-dozen batteries that die within a few hours' use. In order to remove and replace the batteries, one must first locate one of those tiny little screwdrivers that constantly vanish (much in the same way as the Second Sock Phenomenon) in order to unscrew the twenty tiny screws that keep our little darlings from accessing the batteries and nomming all that lovely battery acid.

I'd just let the batteries die, shrug, and say Oh, it's so sad! It must be broken. Might as well get rid of it, okay? if it weren't for the equally annoying (and noisy) wailing and gnashing of teeth that would ensue. I'm not sure which is worse, really.

And of course we all know who gives those gifts most often. That's right. People who are NOT the parents of the children. Because they don't have to deal with the horror. This last Christmas was particularly bad for my boys in this regard. The house is now filled to the brim with countless toys that are endangering my precarious sanity.

So those of you who do this? (You so know who you are.) I have a suggestion. Instead of spending vast amounts of money on noisy, annoying, expensive toys that will drive parents insane and be forgotten in a corner after a few months, get something simple. Avoid noises and flashing lights and tons of pieces and battery-requirements. Oh, and you really don't have to put the toy stores back in the black single-handedly. I guarantee that if you start doing this when they're young, they'll never miss the excess. I didn't.

And if you still feel like you need to spend more money? Get something useful. Like clothes they'll actually wear. Or a college fund. Or pay some of their daycare tuition.

Chances are the parents will appreciate that much more than some footlong space shuttle with realistic light and sound effects.

Not that I would know anything about a toy like that. Or desire to smash it into a hundred pieces.


8 bits of love:

Draft Queen said...

I used to hide the particularly annoying toys when the kids were asleep/ away. Parenting is all about self preservation.

Arby said...

As kellieann pointed out, you can always give boxes. The kids seem to play with those the most.

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

NO BATTERIES IN TOYS. Ever. Ever ever ever. It is a bad thing. I don't replace them when they wear out. I rejoice.

Best set of toys: toy train tracks (brio best), duplo/lego and playmobile. The boys make enough noise without any toys having to add to it.

michelle said...

Hide them! HA! the minute their backs are turned that junk's in the garbage.

I'm a mean mommy

I'm also a tired mommy. I read "get something simple" as "get something nipple"

hee hee

Kristen @ Motherese said...

Yes, yes, yes! I just got back from a trip during which my boys were regaled with loads of blinking, battery-operated junk. What did they play with? The boxes they came in. Oh, and some empty Coke bottles. The obnoxious toys? Not so much.

mom said...

At least I'm not guilty! Whew!

A Teacher said...

We like to use bins and seperate out his toys a bit. He can have two bins at a time, one upstairs and one in the basement. The rest we hide. And the noisey electronic toys? Spread out as much as possible.

Anonymous said...

Yay, MuttonchopsHubby and I passed the test as great gift-givers to your boys. We have NEVER given them anything that has batteries or makes obnoxious noises. Yay! We may have given them more books than they wanted, though...
- SoccerSister

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