absence

i miss you
your smiles and giggles
your chuckles and sly glances
snuggling in bed on lazy mornings
while you climb and wrestle over me
on me
i am your playground

sometimes i lie there and listen
while you talk and play and fight
in your room
knowing that all too soon
you will no longer be content
with such small things
some books
a train
a dragon
some bears

and find myself torn
between longing for
and fearing
those all-too-soon
not-soon-enough
days and years
when you will be grown enough
to need me less

i fear you leaving me
and yet
know that is what you must do
someday
if i have done my job

and on these days
when the distance is real
the absence already here
i bury the ache
push the loss to the back of my mind
busy myself with all the things
and people
who fill me up in other ways

today
this moment
it's not enough
and i cannot deny
even to myself

yes
i miss you
and always will