Diapers and Dragons

Thursday, July 23, 2009

It's Not an Easy Thing, but It's the Right Thing

I'm taking a step today. It's kind of a scary one. But it's time.

I've made it gradually clearer over time on this blog that my heart and faith have been changed in recent months, turning towards God and a decision to follow Jesus. This was not a simple choice. It was not, as some may think, a retreat into an "easier" way to go, a way that would make my parents happy and allow me to have some emotional crutch.

It's not easy to say I've been wrong for twenty years. I've been proud and arrogant and so, so desperate to deny that there is, in fact, One Way and it is not the way I have chosen for so long.

It's not easy to stand and confess this faith when the vast majority of my friends do not share it and may even ridicule it (though not, bless them, to my face), when my husband almost violently disagrees with my decision and sees it as a major obstacle to any reconciliation. It's not easy to make that an open part of my life when it may very well be received with contempt and even rejection by both strangers and loved ones.

So far, I've been fairly subtle (at least I think so) about it on this blog. Yesterday, I took a risk and spoke more openly about God and my relationship with Him. The response I received was so warm, so welcoming, that I finally made a decision about this blog that has been coming for a while.

Several months ago I began another blog, a more private blog, one that only a few select people knew about, where I wrote directly on my ideas about and struggles with faith. I haven't posted there for almost two months. For a while this was because I was struggling so much that I couldn't even put anything down in words. Recently I've been feeling more and more that I need greater integration in my life. I need to stop separating the different parts of my life, especially when it comes to faith. That includes this blog.

I'm not changing my approach to Diapers and Dragons. It will continue to reflect my thoughts and experiences, funny and serious, as they happen. But from now on, I'll be including my thoughts on faith in a much more straightforward manner. I don't intend to be all preachy or shove my faith in your face, but I don't intend to hide it either.

If it's too hard or uninteresting for you, dear reader, to read those more faith-oriented posts, don't worry--this won't turn into a blog of daily sermons. Perhaps you can handle one or two upon occasion? And the occasional reference in my "regular" posts? This may lose me some readers. If that's the case, I'll be sad, but I'll understand. And perhaps it will gain me others.

I hope that you'll read it all. And let me know what you think--even when you don't agree. After all, I'm still learning. It's a journey, and I won't arrive at the end until my time in this world is complete. I don't pretend to know all the answers. In fact, I'll be asking a lot of questions...

So I'm taking a step. Tomorrow I'll be posting a new draft of the last piece I wrote on that other blog, because it very much applies to where I am standing now. I hope you appreciate it.

And maybe, just maybe, it will touch something in your own heart.

17 bits of love:

Arby said...

This neophyte Christian has struggled to emerge from a very private cocoon to unfold his wings, let them dry in the sun, and start a new life in the open where everyone can see who he is and what he believes, without being one of those pushy, over-bearing Christian types. It is new and un-chartered waters for a man who was once a Christian hater. I decided that I needed to stop acting like Peter by denying Christ in public for the comfort of my “friends.” They can accept me as I am. Or not. Congratulations on your decision. It was obviously difficult, especially seeing how it affects your relationship with your husband. The rewards will eventually outweigh your losses.

Schmoochiepoo said...

Your Life, your faith, your Blog...go for it!

I am a Christian, my husband is not. He does not oppose teaching our child about God and leaves that up to me.

Christians come in all shapes and sizes, we are not all stereotypical bible-thumping evangalists.


I'll still be here. :)

Heidi said...

Honey, your blog is your blog. It's yours to use as touches your heart.

As I've put it before, I'm a 50% Christian, 50% agnostic, and I'm finding my way to where I need to go. Graham is atheist but he respects that I'm on a different spiritual path - Ciaran goes to church with my parents almost every week, even when I don't go.

Spirituality and the search for meaning, wherever one finds that meaning, are an important part of who we are as human beings, or there wouldn't be so many faiths out there.

Share your journey - it's *yours* to share.

Kathleen said...

I look forward to reading all of your faith posts--preachy or not, and I admire you for being open about your journey!

Love and prayers...

Halala Mama said...

I'm Catholic and my husband is Muslim which creates an interesting atmosphere, especially for me who has an uneasy relationship with God and Jesus, even though I have great faith. It's a paradox to be sure. It's great that you are taking the leap to share that part of yourself.

The Kampers said...

way to be TeacherMommy! Can't wait to read it all!

Monica said...

Good for you.

You are following your heart and doing what you know is the right thing.

We should all be so brave.

LoriM said...

Proud of you - and anxious to read the spiritual stuff now, too. Thanks for being brave.

Stone Fox said...

this is another turning point in your life; you will lose some friends over it. i think you have already, to yourself, asked and answered the question: what's more important to you? friends, or God?

people are so uncomfortable with expressions of faith, or talking about beliefs, that it's just easier for them to put you down instead of admitting that they have *not* put a lot of thought into what they believe. they talk the talk, but they don't walk the walk.

i know how awkward it is when you talk about faith and it makes other people uncomfortable. i tried to have a conversation with my two best friends about how excited i was that i had found the spiritual path that felt so right to me, like a hole in my life that had finally been filled up, and both of them - my bestest most loved friends in the world - couldn't *wait* to change the subject. why? because it wasn't the same beliefs they had. it made them uncomfortable that my path did not include God. yes, they accept that i am different, but they don't want to hear about it. it's a bit.. sad, i guess. i wish that they wanted to understand my beliefs the way that i am excited and supportive when they see a new facet of God.

Beth said...

I've been a Christian for years and have been struggling with my own morality in the face of a Holy God. I just wanted you to know you are already touching lives with your new found faith, even the lives of "seasoned" Christians such as myself. We are to have the faith of a "little child" and I think it's something that can be lost sight of too easily.

Keep Looking Up!

mom said...

Integrity, as the Nyarafolos say, is being "clear inside" -- transparent. You are what you are. Definitely the right thing, and yes it's risky, but you know that. Your decision will allow you to integrate more of what you're really processing into your delightful writing. (I think it's delightful, even when you're crying. It's you, it's well-written, it's true.) It takes courage to let your insides show and take whatever comes. I'm praying that you will find it not only a growing experience but one that brings deep contentment. Love you!

Draft Queen said...

So many of my friends are of different religious beliefs than I am. Even my family varies in faith.

Whether our beliefs may be different or share the same path it doesn't mean I won't be reading. I won't chastise your faith and I would never tell you to silence it when it makes such a difference in your life.

Do what's in your heart. It's all that matters in this world. Life's too short and there are too many people to worry about pissing off. This is YOUR space. Do what you want with it.

MomZombie said...

You are the most eloquent and together person who is going through a major life adjustment that I have ever known. You inspire me.
Faith is a very personal matter. I recently had a huge sea change in that area of my life and it has helped me stay afloat during some very scary times. Whatever faith a person holds dear or uses as a compass is fine in my book. It is that person's map, if you will. It's only when that map is shoved in the way of someone else's journey that it becomes a weapon.

Becky said...

Like MomZombie, I too am inspired by you, and you do touch my heart. Furthermore, your blog is indeed your blog and should be a place to record anything you desire.

Losing readers? Gaining readers? Just as long as you're able to look at yourself in the mirror and know you are staying true to yourself and to your soul, then what does it matter?

Becky

p.s. Re the blogger conference? I'd be the woman in the OTHER corner!

GingerB said...

I am not religious but you won't push me away if you are. Things might look different to me if my parents had been more moderate when I was a child, but after three services a day on Sundays and being left alone with child fondling convicts who were part of a group's "mission" I don't feel much called to enter churches except as a tourist looking at architecture. I won't walk away from you, just because your path is different. You are brave to make the choices you have, and you deserve encouragement to follow your heart, my dear. Be honest with yourself, and find joy.

Aludra said...

I'll be more than happy to read your thoughts on faith! I like reading your thoughts on everything else, so this is just one more thing for you to talk about! Yayness

Friends may ridicule your beleifs (Lord knows mine do) but they can still be your friends. Keep them around and maybe they'll mellow out and let you rub off on them in a good way. :)

LOL. One of my atheist friends is a "better Christian" than I am even though she doesn't beleive. SHE gets on to ME about cursing and won't read any books with sex scenes in them. I find life as a Christian with atheist friends extremely amusing.

Best of Luck!

Karen said...

Hey Teacher Mama,
I started to "follow" you a week or so ago when I stumbled across your bloggie and loved your writing style. I believe in God and I follow Jesus. I would have "read" you anyways though.. everyone's different. Of course you know that... silly me.
I actually was having a moment with you when you posted about He Who Was. Been there. I am happy (though cautious) to report we are "fine now". Yea, uphill battle! But I only found Christ because of my depths of despair. Guess what? That's a blessing! I'll shuddup now and look forward to your rantings.. and a breath of fresh air! Hugs! Karen

(And if you need some inspirations head over to livingproofministries.blogspot.com .. they are the real deal baby! Just gritty, in your face, sometimes trite posts and lots of poeple seeking some wisdom) I'll seriously be quiet now :)

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