Diapers and Dragons

Monday, July 13, 2009

In Which I Decide Not To Stay In Bed All Day--Again

From later in the day: Some good suggestions for names for my husband, soon-to-be-ex, whatever, but none of them seem quite right. An idea popped into my head while I was driving today (why is it that I get so many ideas when I'm doing that? and can't write anything down?) and I thought I'd run it by you. What about the name "He Who Was"? Let me know what you think...


This last week...Well, let's just say that there are quite a few parts of it that I would rather not have experienced. As you could tell from my last post, I'm not exactly sunshine and daisies right now. I'm sure my friends and family have been having the times of their lives talking to and hanging out with me.

It's a measure of their love for me that they haven't given me a sharp, bracing kick to the rear so far.

Yesterday it became clear to me that even though I was saying to myself and everyone else (dang it, that sounds familiar--pattern of behavior, much?) that I wasn't getting my hopes up about my husband changing his mind about divorce, that I wasn't placing too much expectation in God performing a miracle the way I wanted it, that I was being all practical and stuff about the future...well, let's just say that yesterday highlighted the lie.

So my reality? Yes, I'm getting divorced. And since I won't be contesting, it apparently could happen in as little as four months or so. As my husband said, there's a booming industry designed to help people get through divorces in a minimum of time, money, and fuss.

God bless America.

(And I really do have to figure out a new blog name for him. "ComputerDaddy" is too intimate and redolent of the old days; "my husband" will no longer be accurate and is too painful to use; "the boys' father" is just too distant and almost bitchy. Any suggestions?)

Anywho, I spent the rest of the day in bed after he picked up the kids and we had The Talk that made things quite clear. I watched movie after movie on Netflix online. I finally watched the third Matrix movie, which was so much better than that horrendous second one that now I wish I hadn't put it off so long. Kind of took the bad taste out of my mouth as regards that trilogy. (Though I still just cannot see Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Ann Moss as some wonderfully romantic couple. I mean, ick.) I also ate an entire (smallish) Red Baron pizza. I was tempted to go get a case of Cherry Coke and blow my summer "no pop" resolution in one big blaze of bubbly glory, but I didn't have the energy to drive to the store.

My sister called at one point, all bouncy and talkative as she drove home from her ten-year reunion in one of the Carolinas. I really didn't feel like talking, cuz I was in full-blown pity party mode, but she offered to just talk while I listened (which, realistically, is often what happens anyway--love you, SoccerSister!). Before I knew it, she was drawing me out with a discussion of Margaret Atwood's books (she's brilliant, we agree, but otherwise I hate her endings and am not a fan, while SoccerSister adores her stuff) and social commentary in literature and then how SoccerSister should really read more of Ursula le Guin beyond the Wizard of Earthsea trilogy...And I forgot, for a little while, to feel sorry for myself.

There are times when God knows what we need even when we think it's not what we want.

Don't get me wrong: I still indulged in self-pity the rest of the night, but that conversation was a reminder that it doesn't have to be this way all the time.

I slept in this morning, a glorious snooze that carried me all the way to eleven ay-em. I can't recall the last time I did that. When I woke, I felt renewed. I'm still sad, I still wish this wasn't the path we are taking, but...

It's time to get out of bed and start moving. Perhaps, in some tiny way, even moving on.

17 bits of love:

Rachael said...

I am glad you are feeling better--even if it is just a fraction of a fraction better. And you are so right, isn't always going to hurt.

Todd J. List said...

One step at a time. I strongly urge considering mediation as you progress through the divorce. It's not really an end, it's a new start, even though you may have trouble seeing that perspective right now.

I can't think of any diminutive terms that you can use for your soon-to-be-ex-husband, but I'll let you know if I think of any.



Arby said...

I can think of quite a few terms to use for your husband, but they would be more appropriate for my blog rather than yours. Just call him "Eugene." Or "Leroy." Or "Bubba." Or host a blog contest for the best name and give a cheap, chessey prize that is distinctly "Detroit." Divorce is so extremely difficult to go through, and I would not wish it on anyone. The one thing I know for certain is that you are going to have to experience the emotions that you are feeling until the day that you stop feeling them. That sounds painfully dumb but there really isn't much else that you can do. Healing is a long, slow process. It isn't easy. Frankly, it stinks. You are one step ahead in the process in that you appear very honest about the entire situation. So get up, get moving, do something with the boys. Each a pint of Hagen Daaz. Watch the final 15 minutes of "Cast Away" a few thousand times. Write another blog.

TwilightGirl said...

As for a name: "You know who", "him" (perhaps in italics,) or even a symbol or picture.

As for your faith: Even though I don't believe in your God, I believe in things happening for a reason and like the country song says, "Thank God For Unanswered Prayers." You can't see why, now, but in the future, you may be happy for the outcome you currently have no control over.

Aludra said...

Oh, Teachermommy. I won't lie I was hoping he'd give up this divorce business too.
Pain is a part of life, and there's all different kinds of it. It's what you do despite the pain that matters. They say on CNN that curse words actually help alleviate pain. So you could say "bother bother bother" over and over and just see if it helps.

My first love from High School took me about 5 years to get over him (in my defense he was my first everything and we'd been together for almost 4 years). If I am totally honest, I wasn't *completely* over him until 2 years after getting married (Like I said, keep moving despite the pain, right?). I no longer spend some time each day wondering what he's doing, but it took a LONG time to get here. I'm really sorry you'll have to go through that.

For names for him - I really liked 'computerdaddy' as a name b/c it described him. He's still a daddy and still into the computers, but I know words have power and that one is too powerful. Maybe try gadgetfather? It kinda works. widget is a gadgety-type thing and he's widget's fater. A thought.

And I agree the 3rd is better than the 2nd matrix movie. I also agree that those 2 look really odd together. It's almost narcissitic. If you go back and watch the first one now, it's pretty terrible, IMO. Now that we're used to great effects, the original matrix doesn't hold up.

I'll stop blathering now. Good on you for getting out of bed!

Mwa said...

Getting out of bed is a good first step. Even though a good lie-in is not to be sneezed at.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed talking to you yesterday, and I'm thankful to help in any way I can!

What a great realization that although things and feelings suck right now, but they won't be "everything" forever.

Let me know if you need me to chatter your ear off again some time! :)
- SoccerSister

Brownie said...

I've read some of your blogs and think I will a more faithful follower (our mutual friend is Arby).

Regarding the name to use - I would use "Sid". This is taken from my sister referring to her ex as the sperm donor. So follow me... Sperm Donor... S.D. hmmm... Sid. You will know what it means.. but it doesn't sound degrading to the casual reader.

Heidi said...


He Who Shall Not Be Named? (just kidding ;) )

Agshizel? (the word verification I'm having to enter for this comment?)

Thinking of you. Wishing I could bring by a couple of pints of Haagen Dasz to share!

The Kampers said...

oh TeacherMommy...prayed for you guys again this morning! I can't imagine the pain. I walked through this with a friend a while back...actually she lived at Kris and Katrina's for a while, before Eli...Sarah...anyway, I can tell you from her story, there is light at the end of the tunnel. But what a hard, hurtful tunnel it is!

Keep moving and doing. Those darling boys will help!

As for a new name...hummm...will have to think about that

Kathleen said...

I'm so sorry, TeacherMommy!

Love and prayers...

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I hope you find a way to come to terms with what is happening in a way that is not detrimental to you.

He like He Who Was... kind of like The Artist Formerly Known As


Arby said...

Your suggestion "He Who Was" made me think of "Once Upon a Husband."

mom said...

My heart hurts for you, with you. I too have hoped and prayed for that miracle. Whatever comes, I know you will never be alone as you go through it. And hey, we tried to call, but you were with a friend, and that's a GREAT place to be. We'll try again now that the Internet is working again and the phone's dial tone actually came back on!! You have a big hug from me. No idea what to call ComputerDaddy. Yet.

MomZombie said...

Sorry to hear the news. It's a hard time to get through, for sure. Having supportive friends and family helps. Make sure you have a good lawyer who has your best interests in mind. Take care of you.

Granuale said...

Please let his name be respectful. He is also hurting.

LoriM said...

I am so sorry, M. Speaking of lawyers - I know some (worked for them) - if you need one. Hate it that that's the only help I can offer. Except to continue praying, I guess.

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