Diapers and Dragons

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

i thought

i thought
i had it figured out
plans in my head
how it would be
settled
ready to move on
let's get going, buddy

defenses were up
wasn't going to get hurt again
because that's all dead and gone
over
ready to move on
time's a tickin'

i even allowed myself the luxury
of being a little angry
just a touch
just enough
to let a little hardness creep in
we could be friendly
but not really friends
someone has to think of the children

and then you apologized
and then you asked me to stay a while
and then

you softened

and all those defenses proved as tough
as cotton candy
melting away
or brittle ice
looking solid until there's a little warmth

you softened

just enough
that the hope i thought was lying dead
in ashes
sparked and glowed
an ember
just waiting for a little fanning
a little kindling
to spring into flame again

don't even know what to do with it
stomp it out?
give it air to breathe?
allow it to grow?

the fundamentals haven't changed
the obstacles are still there
even if you asked
i wouldn't hand over my heart

not now
not quite
not yet

have to be practical
still moving forward

just
maybe
not on

i'm standing here with the ember of hope
cupped in my palm
wondering if
and hoping
not to get burned

16 bits of love:

Schmoochiepoo said...

I love it :)

GingerB said...

I'm not saying anything, in order not to jinx anything. Fingers are ready to be crossed if you give the signal.

Dad said...

I am praying and hoping!

mom said...

Hold the ember gently; protect it from rain and wind; keep praying. Hope is a feather in the soul . . . how did you put that? I mean, how did Emily put it?

sAm said...

My prayers are with you...I pray that whatever is God's will for you will bring you peace. We all make mistakes in life, we all learn. I love your poetry.

Beth said...

Confession time: I don't enjoy poetry. Of any kind. At all.

I avoid it like plague, in general.
But today, I decided to read your words and I'm so glad that I did.

Here's hoping that ember flares up into a flame one day...

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

I'm not sure what that was about. I am curious to know, but it speaks volumes and is beautifully written

The Kampers said...

I echo your mom's and dad's comments...praying

Becky said...

"don't even know what to do with it
stomp it out?
give it air to breathe?
allow it to grow?"

I think if you give it air, it will grow. Hope is a good thing! Sometimes frightening too, but definitely better than snuffing the ember with the brick wall of self protection. Try to not be anxious and let His will present itself? Move forward, perhaps tentatively and cautiously, but keep moving! ... just the thoughts of someone (me) who has learned that my walls didn't need to be quite so solid.

As always, beautiful writing (inspiring actually) and now heartfelt prose. Sending you "some love" Teacher Mommy! God Bless You.

Arby said...

Hope is a double edged sword. I'd rather risk getting cut than keep it sheathed.

LoriM said...

Love it. I'm not a big poetry person, either, but I could really relate to this (and others of yours!). Praying, praying...!

Aludra said...

Your poems are always so great.

The possibility of getting burned is scary. But what about the cold regret of not trying?

Heather said...

WOW!

MommyTime said...

I hope all good things for you. I won't tell you what to do, only that I'm sending all the good karma I can muster for this to work out right (whatever right is) for you.

melissa said...

oh honey. i'm hopeful for you. fingers, toes crossed!!
i love you!!
and fuckin' a...(i'm so uncouth)
you can write woman!!
teach me. please.

Anonymous said...

think of all the damage (and ensuing regret) that has already been done by the erected defenses of being afraid of being hurt...

seize the other path - the path not traveled very often.

Love,
SoccerSister

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