Diapers and Dragons

Monday, July 27, 2009

And Now For Something A Goodish Bit* Different

*because it's still about the kidlets and my life and there are no British accents, so it's not Completely. Unless you're providing them yourself, in which case Hullo, hullo, what? and Carry on, old boy.**

**Why yes, I have been reading a great deal of P.G. Wodehouse lately, why do you ask?

The Widget has been carrying on une passion dangereuse with my cellphones since the womb. He is, as far as I'm concerned, responsible for the demise or near-demise of my last four cell phones. He Who Was and a friend Who Shall Not Be Named dared suggest that perhaps I should keep my cell phone out of his reach, but I sneer at their practical parenting tips.

Number One was a simple, outdated, but perfectly serviceable cell phone I'd had ever since switching to T-Mobile back in The Day. I was heavily pregnant with The Widget and absentmindedly forgot to remove the phone from my jeans before they went in the wash. The SIM card was, amazingly enough, still operational, but the phone was a loss. I got a shiny new one by taking my long-overdue free phone upgrade. I forgave my small unborn son, since I didn't have to re-enter any phone numbers.

(Why is he at fault? Why, because I was pregnant with him and therefore suffering from Pregnancy Brain! I've heard that a woman's brain physically shrinks in size during pregnancy. No word on whether it recovers. My theory is that this is why men would like to keep us pregnant. We just might take over the world otherwise.)

Number Two, my free upgrade, was a constant obsession for The Widget once he got old enough to grab it. It apparently looked like a highly desirable snack. When he was about six months old, he managed to obtain it through highly illegal infant maneuverings. By the time I discovered his sneakiness, he had slobbered it so thoroughly that the keyboard had shorted out. This time I was not due for a free upgrade: however, He Who Was WAS, and so they let me use his upgrade. I got a shiny new purple phone, again with an operational SIM card making the transfer simple, and this time I had a CAMERA. The Widget was forgiven, but resentment raised its ugly head some time later when He Who Was desperately needed a new phone and had to wait an additional two months before what was originally MY upgrade date came to pass.

Number Three, that lovely dusky purple being with the fuzzy camera shots, mysteriously whisked itself into the Widget Zone about four months ago. One night it was on my bedside table; the next morning, it was gone. The Widget came under high suspicion due to his obsession with taking things and disappearing them, sometimes down the nearest floor vent, sometimes to mysterious places We Know Not Of. (There's still a missing grandpa glove somewhere. It's a good thing the cold of winter was over.) After almost two weeks of increasingly frantic searching and a sense of disappearing from the connected world, I dragged my sorry, twitching self into the T-Mobile store again. I was, fortunately, again due for an upgrade, and I was able to get Wanda for a decent price with the rebate.

Wanda is my lovely little red Sony Ericsson phone that makes me happy. Not as happy as He Who Was's G2 thingymabob that he waited those additional two months for, but happy.

So when Wanda went missing on Saturday morning while I was in the shower, much like the Purple Wonder did four months ago, I knew who to ask.

There may have been some yelling.

For once The Widget didn't try to blame DramaBoy for his transgressions, but neither was he helpful in locating Wanda. Finally, I found her on the floor in the boys' sleeping area, nestled by a chair. When I opened her up...

I found water all over the screen.

And when I opened up the back and removed the battery, there was water there too.

DramaBoy was only too happy to inform me that The Widget had decided to wash the phone with his bottle of water. Upon which the rising shrieks of wrath spread to cover DramaBoy's head as well, for knowingly watching this debacle and never trying to remove the phone from The Widget's grasp or coming in to alert me so I could take care of the situation myself.

It wasn't a pretty scene. It was a good thing I was taking them to their grandfather's house and would be child-free for most of the day. They wouldn't have enjoyed Mama's company.

It was very very quiet in the car on the drive over there.

The good news is that after drying her out in pieces and taking her to the T-Mobile store today (children in tow--a story for another day when I can have a sense of humor about that too) to be cleaned up so she would charge, WANDA WORKS!

Finally, a cell phone that can survive my Widget.

I just might be in love.

4 bits of love:

Kathleen said...

Baby Drool ruined one of my phones too. And a car key faub as well. Can't remember whose drool...

GingerB said...

A phone called Wanda? Can it be? Does Wanda get excited when you speak in other languages?

Gingerbblog at gmail dot com

Arby said...

Around our house, it's called being "Tatered." That's was happens when the girl, aka "Tater," gets her mitts on...absolutely everything!

Draft Queen said...

I love that you name your phones. My cell is nameless, but my iPod is "the boyfriend" and my car's name is "Lola"

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