Diapers and Dragons

Friday, February 12, 2010

Wellness and War

I've been doing well. Quite well, considering the hellishness of last week and the sinus infection that decided to take up residence a couple of days ago. But work has gone well, I've been remarkably social, and my students have been commenting.

I think it's a bit of a shock to their system to see me positively cheerful in class.

Yesterday I treated myself to a haircut (it's been five months, folks!) and a mani-pedi in honor of my upcoming Weekend of Fun. It had been a bit of a crazy day, what with oversleeping my alarm and wireless issues at work and so on. It was luxurious to relax for a couple of hours and just take care of myself. It's something I don't do all that often.

So why haven't I been sleeping?

Night after night I lie in the bed, tired but incapable of falling asleep. Night after night I've been forunate if I get five hours of sleep. Even more rare is a night of sleep without waking several times throughout the night. Even on my snow day on Wednesday, I woke throughout the night worried whether the automated phone caller would call the right number (it didn't) and checking online for when my district would announce it (at the last minute, hours after everyone else). Even once I knew, I only slept an hour past the time I would normally wake for work.

I've been taking some Tylenol PM at night the last few days because of this annoying sinus infection, and that has helped. A little. Last night I forgot to do so. I fell asleep, finally, sometime around 11 or so. And woke sometime around 1:45 AM.

No matter what I did (and I pulled out all my tricks), I could not fall asleep for over two hours. My shoulders and arms and neck burned with tension. My mind raced. And finally, as I buried my face in my pillow, I burst into tears.

I've been doing quite well. But underneath, there's still a churning mass of grief and fear and sorrow and anger over multiple stressors in my life: relationships (romantic and otherwise), finances, divorce, my children, my job, my future. Last night, that mass won the battle.

Somehow I have to win the war.

5 bits of love:

Kathleen said...

From my perspective, it seems as though over the last year, you have learned which weapons work best in this war, so I am confident you will win! I'll be praying for you, though, as you fight the battle!

I remember all too well those sleepless nights before a possible snow day! What would really suck is when the possible snow day turned into a NOT snow day in which case I would show up a zombie in my classroom. I wonder if the school superintendents know what they do to teachers when they wait until early morning to make the decision. I bet they do. I can hear the sinister laughter.

momZombie said...

You and I are on the same health track. Due to my terrible habit of cheating myself on sleep time and stressing with abandon, I've been sick all week. Thankfully NyQuil sends me to bed early, tucks me in and reads me a story to guarantee at least eight hours of uninterrupted slumber. Glad to hear you pampered yourself. Have a great weekend. Hope to meet up soon.

Draft Queen said...

So we both cried ourselves to sleep.

I'm feeling that too. The burning stress.

At least tomorrow night we shall have tons of fun!

GingerB said...

Have you tried Ambien or Sonata? I sometimes worry if I am too quick to rely on drugs to lift me up or push me down, but in the last year as I have been stressed beyond my wildest dreams, I have relied on the kindess of strangers, mother's little helper, whatever it takes. I know in my heart it will all get better, but in my mind between eleven and five, all I know is agony. I recommend the option for you.

I hope that weekend is wearing you guys out with fun and frolicking!

Beck said...

Poor you.
Medical sleeping aids - when used appropriately and not for too long - are life-savers. Literally. If you're still not sleeping, perhaps a talk with your doctor is in order?

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