Things I Learned From...

Making Personal Pita Pizzas With Two Small Boys:

1. It's harder than it sounds.

2. Two-year-olds are more interested in tasting everything that goes on the pitas (and trying to taste the pitas, too) than helping put those things on.

3. Two-year-olds will also place anything they put in their mouths and then decided they didn't really like (such as unbaked and still spicy pepperonis) back on the pizzas for your enjoyment.

4. It's a really good thing that these pizzas get baked at a fairly high heat so that germs are fried.

5. Three-and-a-half-year-olds are proponents of the throw-it-all-on-in-piles school of topping placement.

6. Pizzas are messy.

7. Mothers need about five arms in order to keep track of everything, including Small Boys.

8. I am way more anal retentive about this sort of thing than I realized.

Grace In Small Things #7 (Seriously Overdue)

I haven't done one of these in a very long time, and that's bad. Things have been rough lately, for all sorts of reason (physical, emotional, professional, and personal), and now is the time I should most definitely be looking for these. So here are some events from yesterday:

1. a hug from the person I most needed one from at the time when I most needed it

2. a Signature Hot Chocolate from Starbucks

3. a Raspberry Cheesequake from Dairy Queen

4. a new season of So You Think You Can Dance?

5. the Widget sitting happily at my side while I watch an audition show for So You Think You Can Dance? Season Five, clapping and cheering along with the crowd when someone is awesome

Five-Seven-Five

GingerB over at Gas-Food-Lodging is starting Haiku Fridays, and since I love haikus (and need to brush up on them--they're harder than you might think!) I figured I'd join from time to time. So here is my series of haikus about the joy that was yesterday's sick day (unpaid, by the way, for the second time this week: I'm so looking forward to the huge chunk that will be missing from my next paycheck):

doctor says we must
all get tested for swine flu
when did we kiss pigs?

noses have been swabbed
we made jokes about boogers
to cover the ick

tests are negative
so we have much rejoicing
the pigs have spared us

doctor says we have
nasty sinus infection
except DramaBoy

it is miracle
small boy who is always sick
is somehow healthy

perhaps he can care
for snot-stricken family
at young age of three?

Note: Mariposa had a valid question--why were we tested? Well, three out of the four of us had symptoms that do match (which is general enough already), and DramaBoy had a touch of sniffles (which turned out to just be run of the mill allergies), and there was a confirmed case of H1N1 at the boy's daycare. Therefore: testing. It is, unfortunately, existent in our area, though not fatally so.

Eight Reasons I Haven't Been Posting And This Is The Post You're Getting

1. Sleeping in on my day off (last Friday)

2. Spending the rest of my day off (1) having lunch with my dear friend M., (2) frantically looking for my missing cell phone that is STILL MISSING, and (3) finally catching up on some bill-paying (I know, I know--not much of a Day Off Activity. What can I say? At least it left me feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders!)

3. Two Small Boys. Enough said.

4. Going to the Detroit Yacht Club (doesn't that make me sound so hoity-toity? ;D) to grill and go out on my father-in-law's sailboat on Memorial Day

5. Two Small Boys AND self getting/being sick with a nasty cold

6. Spending whatever time I WAS on the computer playing World of Warcraft instead of blogging

7. Being completely intimidated when I looked at my Dashboard and realized that everyone else had, in fact, been blogging and I now have three zillion and one blog posts to read

8. Having way too much work to do and catch up on, with only two weeks remaining to complete it all--why hello, Professor Panic, when did you show up?

There you go. Hopefully I'll be back at some point soon.

In the meantime, here are some Deep Questions to ponder (for more, check out Crazy Thoughts):

• How far east can you go before you're heading west?
• Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
• If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
• When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
• If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?
• What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
• How can something be "new" and "improved"? If it's new, what was it improving on?
• If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?

Discuss.

Who Needs A Gym When You Have Kidlets?

So I haven't been exercising much lately. As in, not at all. Which sucks because I was getting nicely in shape for a while there.

It's not the weight itself (as in the number on the scale) that bothers me. It's the flabbiness, the definite sign that I am Letting Myself Go. We're not talking Fat so much as we are Flab. Just to clarify, since I've been putting a cautious toe in the waters of the Great Weight Debate lately. In other words, I want to be fit and healthy, and that's just not happening.

However. This morning as I was lifting my coffee cup (just about the only thing I'm lifting at work these days), I happened to glance at my arm and Holy Hamstrings, I have BICEPS! I wasn't even flexing, and there was a bulge that would have made any fifteen-year-old male proud! Well, if that fifteen-year-old male wasn't a bodybuilder or trying to win the Presidential Fitness Award. Nevertheless. BICEPS. On Me, the girl who once upon a time had to check whether arms were supposed to be convex or concave in that area and was rather disappointed to discover the answer.

So I'm proposing a whole new fitness regime, Muscles for Mothers. Cuz this is the only way I can explain what I discovered this morning, and maybe someone will want to pay me the Big Bucks to share my wisdom with the world. Remember, everything posted here is Mine (check out the very bottom of the web page, people, and don't press your luck) and you can contact me personally for information on how to write out the check. You're welcome.

(Thanks to Bodybuilding.com for the names and descriptions of the original, non-mommy exercises. However, I officially hate the models on that site. Just sayin'.)

(Neck) Lying Face Down Plate Neck Resistance: Lie face down on bed, floor, or other flat surface. Children will automatically appear and climb on your back, most likely en masse if you have more than one child available. Attempt to raise head to respond to children's stream of questions, and also to breathe. Repeat as children bounce on your back and head. If you keep your abs tight, this also works that muscle group and prevents your organs from being pulverized.

(Trapezoids) Snatch Hang High Pull: Snatch child and pull him/her high into the air out of reach of the friendly dog attempting to give him/her kisses. Expect some level of supersonic screaming from the child.

(Shoulders) Arm Circles: Whirl arms in circles in an attempt to attract the attention of oblivious children heading for Extreme Mischief and/or Impending Doom. You may have the added bonus of expanding your lungs with a spate of Yelling, and feel free to add an aerobic aspect by pairing the Arm Circles with a Sprint (most likely in the event of Impending Doom).

(Shoulders) Back Flyers with Bands [a.k.a. Bodies]: Grab fighting children and separate as far apart as possible. Remember to do this with both arms in the same but opposite motion and while keeping your abs tight, or you may hurt your back. Will most likely involve several reps.

(Chest) Barbell Guillotine Bench Press: Wake up in the morning. Firmly grasp small body draped across your chest/neck/face with both hands. Lift and set to the side. Repeat as needed.

(Triceps) Bench Dips: Collapse into armchair and lift aching feet onto footrest. Small child/children will run across room and hurl into your lap. When you find yourself shoved butt-down into the space between chair and footrest, use arms on chair to lift body back up. Child/children will add weight resistance for added workout benefit.

(Biceps) Hammer Curl: Firmly grasp toys/clothing/books/small children scattered about the floor and curl arm upwards. Deposit into nearest receptacle. Repeat. May require pairing with Squats. See Reverse Barbell Preacher Curls for variation after a Very Long Day.

(Wrist/Forearm) Reverse Barbell Preacher Curls: Similar approach as the Hammer Curl, but requires kneeling in prayer for patience. Lift objects/children while you kneel, focusing on your forearms and that you really do love your children even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

(Abs) Ab Crunch: Lie down in bed. Sit up, focusing on using your abs rather than your back, to answer a child's demand for water. Lie down again. Repeat crunch to answer a child's demand for a hug. Lie down. Get up to answer demand for stuffed animal that "fell" on floor. Lie down. Repeat ad nauseum.

(Abs) Barbell Side Bend: Lift small child onto hip. Reach down and to the side to grab and lift toy/food/book/diaper/bag/coat OR grab additional child to prevent Impending Doom. Repeat. At some point that may or may not be halfway through reps, switch child to other hip.

(Abs) Cable Crunch: Kneel and bang head on floor. Most commonly performed after Doom is no longer Impending or small children have driven you Up The Wall (exercise not included due to risk of injury).

(Quads) Barbell Deadlift: Lift child. Put down. Repeat. Keep abs tight and back straight if possible. Ten million reps.

(Quads) Barbell Stepups: (Requires multi-level house or at least porch stairs) Lift child/groceries/laundry basket/huge load of toys that have materialized downstairs. Carry up stairs. Repeat as needed.

Note: This exercise regime focuses on weight-lifting and does not include the many aerobic exercises available to mothers, such as Sprinting At A Dead Run, Chasing Children Round The Bend, Near Miss Heart Attacks, and so on.

Good luck and good exercising!

--Toned and Tough (in her dreams) TeacherMommy

He's Going To Hate Me For This In A Few Years

I just have to (over)share something DramaBoy said this morning, because it had me totally cracking up and I had no one there to share the moment with.

So we are going through the daily/hourly/minute-ly trial of getting DramaBoy to Keep His Hands Out Of His Pants. PLEASE tell me this is a normal thing for a three-year-old boy, because if not I'm going to be really Worried. I have this horrified nightmare that he's going to grow up to be the next Al Bundy, and God help me if that happens. I might have to move to Australia.

At any rate, this morning I was applying makeup at the bathroom mirror and DramaBoy was sitting on the floor trying to wake up. Since there's no central air piped up into the Skyhouse, it's fairly warm, so he slept just in his underwear last night. Making the oh so fascinating contents that much more easily accessible. I glanced down at him to find that he had tucked the waistband of his underwear UNDER said contents and was playing with You Know What. Not wanting to trigger a tantrum at oh-my-aches-and-purple-eyebags-why-on-earth-did-I-get-into-a-career-with-this-sort-of-wake-up-time o'clock, I asked him sternly, What are you doing, DramaBoy?

His matter-of-fact response?

I'm playing with my penis like a choo choo train.

I'm SO going to print out this post and put it in a photo-album to pull out and show his first serious girlfriend someday.

Um, It's A Meme. About Me. Surprise!

Fine. Whatever. It's not like I had anything better to do, like grade papers or create grammar reviews or stuff like that.

Kathleen over at Treasured Chapters felt led to tag me in a meme, and who am I to resist being tagged? What am I, an uncooperative and ungrateful blogger/friend? Not me. So I will graciously allow her to tag me rather than hollering Ollie ollie in come free! and running the opposite way.

So, um, I guess 8 is the magic number. I will try to make this entertaining, as apparently my last meme was a little too straightforward and boring, and I do really want to avoid that. Y'all need to let me know if I get boring, okay? Rather than just surreptitiously discontinuing the feed or cutting me off the Followed Blogs list? Deal?


8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. Slamming those Creative Writing seniors with an evil, evil final exam. That will fix 'em. Serves them right for being so dang snarky lately. I mean, who do they think they are? Legal adults who don't need to pass my class in order to graduate? Mwahahaha!

2. The gifts of gratitude--a.k.a. Cherry Coke and yummy lunches, since I keep forgetting to bring one--that my sophomores swear they will be bringing because I granted them great mercy and eliminated the major presentation assignment attached to their major research paper assignment. Not that my mercy had anything to do with looking at my lesson plans and realizing there wasn't a grasshopper's chance in an aviary of those presentations fitting in anywhere. Not at all.

3. Peeing. Seriously. The two cups of coffee I consumed for breakfast have arrived at the end of their travels and even my legendary teacher's bladder thinks maybe it's a good idea to take care of the matter. Yeah. Be back in a minute.

4. Whew. Okay, what's next? Oh! Having an afternoon that ISN'T filled with some sort of appointment, which means I can pick up the kidlets right after work and head back to the house in time for them to enjoy some time out in the sunshine AND for me to get more of my things settled upstairs.

5. Which leads me to #5, which is getting settled in the lovely, comfortable, comforting attic suite that I get to use now that my parents have left. I slept up there last night, and it was remarkably easy to relax and fall asleep lying in that bed gazing through the skylight at the trees and stars. Plus there's something so satisfying about settling in somewhere: putting things where they belong, figuring out the configuration that will work best, snuggling into a new space. Not that I'm good at keeping my spaces organized and neat, but at least they start out nicely.

6. The yummmmmmmy barbecue pork sauce over couscous that my beloved brother said he'd make for dinner with the leftover pork roast. He'll be using the family recipe that has been a favorite for decades. Mmmmmm. If you are very very good and leave enough sweet comments, maybe I'll share the recipe. What, you think I'd give away such valuable information gratis?

7. Playing World of Warcraft tonight, which I haven't done in a good week and a half. I swear, even if the guild is lame and doesn't gear up for a raid AGAIN, I'm gonna do something fun! Dang it, is there a Red Wings game on? Stupid finals.

8. Friday. Which I have off this week. No school, no work, and I'm not taking any grading home. What?!? you say. Isn't it already a three-day weekend? You get Friday off as well? Ah, but you must realize that in order to get that Friday off, we had to drag ourselves through the torture that is Parent Teacher Conferences--essentially two workdays crammed into one--in order to get a compensation day. I plan to sleep, rest, relax, and unwind. Not necessarily in that order. With perhaps lunch with a good friend thrown in.


8 Things I Did Yesterday: (Because yesterday was such a GOOD day for me, people. Gear up. It's gonna get ugly.)

1. Have two cups of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. My stomach was grateful. Usually it's just deluged with caffeine in an effort to jump start my brain.

2. Realize AFTER my prep that I had forgotten several items that needed to be ready for different classes. Spend the rest of the day (1) trying desperately to catch up and (2) pretending I actually know how to teach.

3. Tell my Creative Writing class that I'd really LIKE to say that I'll miss them (they're almost all seniors, so this is it, folks) but really, that wasn't happening at this rate. Maybe some of them. Maybe.

4. Skim through well over 200,000 words of student writing in order to get their final projects graded in time to report senior grades. Those projects were turned in yesterday, so this was a feat of non-procrastination. A few pieces were excellent. Some of them were decent. The rest of them...I'll be kind and keep my mouth shut.

5. Completely neglect to eat lunch because (1) I forgot to bring one and (2) see #4.

6. Try to compensate, poorly, for the lack of lunch by eating a chocolate Rice Krispie treat and half a double chocolate muffin.

7. Have a very difficult two-hour conversation with my husband fueled only by coffee and (mostly empty) carbs.

8. Finally collapse, after a very late but very needed dinner with my mentor (bless her for meeting me an hour and a half later than we were supposed to), in my new bed under a skylight, where I lay and prayed for the strength to make it through one more day.


8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Remember (and eat) my lunch more than once a week; get more than five hours of sleep per night. Between those two things and my constant dehydration because I don't drink enough water, I'm driving myself into the ground.

2. Turn back the clock and fix so many things that I have to lump them into one wish or this post would be a mile long and way TMI.

3. Teleport myself and my kidlets wherever and whenever I wish. Just think--an hour or two exploring the crystal waters of the Caribbean, then dinner with my parents in the Far Beyond of West Africa, then back home, with no need to get up quite so early in the morning since I wouldn't have to face that commute. Not to mention the drastic decrease in mileage on (or really, need for) my car, which has already surpassed its 3000-mile-hey-you-need-an-oil-change point even though the sticker suggests June 25th.

4. Get onto What Not To Wear without actually having to be quite such a fashion disaster, just so I can get that lovely debit card, trip to New York, two-day shopping spree, and makeover. The advice would be nice too. And I'd be So Good about following Stacy and Clinton's guidelines, I swear I would!

5. Get people to link to and buy from my aStore so I could get credit towards more books. Cuz I'm heading into summer, peoples, and that means I needs me some reading material! And I'm scared of the library. For reasons I'd rather not discuss. *cough* overdue fines *cough*

6. Find a travel coffee mug large enough to accommodate the quantity of coffee I need in the mornings. Cuz the regular ones aren't cutting it. Not that I have a caffeine habit or anything. I can quit any time I want. I just don't want.

7. Get my kidlets to stop whining because ye gods and little graces, they are driving me up the frickin' WALL.

8. Win the lottery. Without actually having to buy a ticket. (Hey, it said wish. Nothing about reality being a requirement in there.)


8 Books I'm Reading: (I'm cheating. It's supposed to be 8 Shows I'm Watching, but been there done that and see above, trying not to lose any more followers. Also, once upon a time I wouldn't have dreamed of starting another book when I hadn't finished one, but times they have changed. I feel positively MPD sometimes.)

1. Hogfather by Terry Pratchett (Death as the Discworld version of Santa Claus--have I mentioned that I love this series? Pratchett is a frickin' genius!!!)

2. Throne of Jade by Naomi Novik (Second in a series that's getting me hooked: an alternative history set in England--mostly--during the Napoleonic Wars, only WITH DRAGONS. So cool and very well written.)

3. Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. (Technically I haven't started this, but my marriage counselor lent it to me to read, so I need to get around to it. So no comments yet.)

4. Grace (Eventually) by Anne Lamott (I'm taking this in sips. She's good that way.)

5. The Love Dare by Stephen Kendrick and Alex Kendrick (This is challenging, but hopefully worth it. Regardless of the outcome.)

6. Traveling Light For Mothers by Max Lucado (If you're a mom, read this. Seriously.)

7. Stepping Up: A Journey Through the Psalms of Ascent by Beth Moore (I know, I know, Beth Moore isn't everyone's cup of tea. But she can be very good. And this study is really good.)

8. The Bible (More specifically, the Psalms and Romans, currently. It's amazing to me that even though I've read this stuff so much in my life, it's as if it's all new to me. Shows what opening one's eyes, mind, and heart can do.)

OOF! OK, I'm supposed to tag 8 people. I dunno. I'll try. This post took me about three hours to finish, since I did it in bits and pieces, so it's up to them whether they play.

8 Bloggers I Tag:

1. Beck at Frog and Toad Are Still Friends
2. Heidi at Hortus Deliciarum (Sorry, I know you're not big into tags. But I loves you!)
3. oreneta at oreneta aground
4. GingerB at Gas-Food-Lodging
5. Beth at BurkinaMom in France
6. MommyTime at Mommy's Martini
7. Mackenzie at Blog Me (Her last post is an AWESOME poem, by the way. I'm gonna miss her.)
8. Eric at Property of: US Army (I think I just might miss him too. Snarkiness notwithstanding.)

Whew! Duty Complete!

(I'm kidding, Kathleen. I needed something to post without getting all weepy and such, since that's kinda how I am right now, and I wanted a chance to redeem myself for the last major meme I did. *hugs!*)

Putting On The Glitz

Been wondering where to go for that birthday party your little munchkin has looming on the horizon? Want something that offers a full range of services including cake, beverages, kid-friendly location, and entertainment? Trying to raise a child who believes that either the Disney princess or the youthful Paris Hilton look is the greatest aspiration a little girl can have?

Then why not try your local kids' hair salon?

Yes, indeed! What better place to entertain a group of estrogen-laced little kidlettes than a salon that will tart them up in hairspray and butterfly barrettes, cheap glam outfits, glittery makeup, and plastic high heels? And then have them parade down their very own grabbed-from-the-remnant-rack red carpet to the applause and camera flashes of their mamarazzi? Or will let them learn their very own makeup- and mousse-application techniques on a creepy head-on-two-legs doll that they can take home for their future style rehearsals?

That's Snip-Its, "The Most Amazing Kid's Haircut Franchise" known to--um, me! You can choose from the Glamour Party, specially crafted for those pageant mom wannabees; the Hollywood Party, where your little darlings can prepare to be the future Paris Hiltons of Hollywood "celebrity"; or the Style-A-Doll Party, where the dolly creep factor is unbound!

Come--join in the effort to brainwash an entire generation of girls into thinking anything that glitters is, in fact, gold!

-----------------------------------

When we were looking for a new place to get the boyo's hair cut, now that our beloved Carnival Cuts is defunct, ComputerDaddy spotted Snip-Its near his workplace. Desperate to keep the kidlets from turning into woolly mammoths before our very eyes, we decided to give it a try. (I should note that our previous attempts at home haircuts have been, shall we say, disastrous? I'd rather not have our children be mocked and stoned on the playground, thank you very much.) We checked it out online first, and I was rather surprised to see that they offered birthday events. I don't see how that's possible, opined ComputerDaddy. It's such a little place, tucked between Trader Joe's and another store, that must just be something that happens at other locations.

Despite my inner ick at what I had seen online, I was desperate enough to give the place a whirl. I mean, it's just a kid's salon, right?

Ha. We walked in just in time to witness the grand finale of what I THINK was a Glamour Party. Since they weren't slutted out a la Paris, as the website had shown in their *ahem* "adorable" photos.

Hey, biotches! aren't I HAWT? See ya on Surreal Life!

A gaggle of six six-or-seven-year-old girls in multiple layers of garish clothing, wilting fairy wings, glittery wands, plastic high heels in various shades of pink and purple, and glitter plastered all over their faces and hair was milling about uncertainly at one end of a cheap red runner. A store employee was explaining to them what they were supposed to do. A handful of parents gathered, cameras in hand, at the other end of the carpet. One by one the girls stomped down the runner and stood for a few seconds, then turned and lumbered back. A couple smiled brightly for the camera, one of whom I believe was the birthday girl. A couple looked confused. A couple looked downright sullen and embarrassed. The parents oohed and aahed and marvelled over what a brilliant idea this was. And for only $175?!?! Why couldn't they do something like this for adult birthday parties?!?!

(They do, chickas. They're called Spa Days. Not as cheap, though, and more likely to involve chocolate and mimosas. Much more satisfying, though, in my humble opinion. Unless you'd like karaoke, for that potential public humiliation factor.)

I struggled to keep the sneer off my face, peoples. I mean, girliness is great, and we all know I'm a shoe addict, and I enjoy earrings and makeup and dressing up and all, but in this day of rampant obsession over all things Barbie and Bratz Dolls and Miley Cirus and Britney Spears and Paris Hilton (I'm aiming for some major search-term pop ups here), it seems to me that we're sending a strong message to our little girls about what's important and just what it means to be a Girl these days. It's one thing to enjoy femininity--I'm not saying I don't ooh and aah over precious little dresses with ribbons and bows, or cute pigtails--but it's another entirely to take it to such a glitzy extreme. And then put it on such a display. I think the red carpet strut may have put the whole thing over the top for me, horror-wise.

People can talk all they want about Disney heroines and modern female celebrities being strong, independent women who choose their own paths, but the reality is that Jasmine and Pocahontas and all those chicks are NOT realistic representations of the female body or lifestyle, any more than Barbie or Bratz Dolls. Every time we see young female stars in the news, there's some emphasis (often exclusive) on what they are--or are not--wearing, how many extra ounces of fat they seem to have accumulated, and who they are dating/marrying/divorcing/sleeping with. How many of those celebrities went or are going to college? And if so, how many articles are covering that?

Being the parent of boys is not magically easy, and I believe I will be facing my own set of social issues--not least of which is the horrific Boys Will Be Boys fallacy and a massive double standard regarding male behavior. But right now, having witnessed that birthday party yesterday, I'm grateful I don't have a little girl to raise. I wouldn't be the one giving such a party (bring on Chuck E. Cheese or a day in the park!), but what would I say to my daughter if she was invited to such a thing?

Maybe I'm getting too heated up over a birthday party in a hair salon. And maybe I'm not getting heated up enough. What do you think?

Wasn't That Supposed To Be A Day Of Rest?

So yesterday was fun. Sort of. Here's the run-down:

1. Woken by kidlets demanding sustenance at bleary o'clock in the morning. Stumble downstairs, turn on Wow Wow Wubzy, provide dishes of dry cereal and cups of water, stumble back to bed.

2. Get in and out of bed repeatedly throughout the next few hours to provide additional assistance with various issues such as Banket Banket!, I don't LIKE this TV! (i.e. Change the channel please, dear Mother), and The Widget is making a mess!

3. Finally hoist self out of so-warm-so-comfy bed to take a shower and get dressed in time for church.

4. Go to church. Leave snotty-nosed children behind with ComputerDaddy. Sit with girlfriends and listen to the wonderful associate pastor (a woman! Glory be, I do enjoy an egalitarian denomination) talk about the commandment to love one another as Christ loves us (All right, all right, I hear you, God. Got the point. I'm not as dull-witted as I was, and I don't think I HAVE to be hit over the head with this one any longer. I could be wrong, though.)

5. Return home to find ComputerDaddy hunched over the computer, complaining about the stupid workaholics who feel compelled to work on Sunday and therefore force the poor IT people to also work on Sunday even when they're not workaholics and what is WRONG with this country, dammit?! Realize that plans for a family-time afternoon are going to have to be adjusted because of said stupid workaholics. Hope they're happy.

6. Get ComputerDaddy a sub so he doesn't starve, dress the kidlets (who have been happily demolishing all traces of cleanliness and order), and deal with a whining DramaBoy who probably should take a nap but we need lunch and haircuts, people.

7. Go to a Coney Island and spend way too much money on a lunch that is only half-eaten. Optimistically take leftovers to the car, where they will be left for the next six+ hours and finally thrown out (it's not winter any longer, so the car does not substitute for a fridge. *sigh*)

8. Drive off to the kids' salon ComputerDaddy spotted near his workplace, since Carnival Cuts has shut down and we no longer have a trusted place to go. Which is why the children have been looking more and more like Wookies lately.

9. Enter Snip-Its and wait for fifteen minutes because they are having a birthday party. You heard me right. A birthday party. At a kids' salon. I will be posting about this later, because ye gads. Talk about brainwashing little girls.

10. Witness the miracle of The Widget sitting calmly and politely in a miniature salon chair, hands clasped about a toy in his lap, letting the lady cut his hair without protest even when I leave the room to take DramaBoy to the potty. Wonder if he's been scared into submission by all the girliness.

11. Try to divide attention between both kidlets in different chairs on different sides of the room. End up very happy with The Widget's cut. End up very exasperated with the lady cutting DramaBoy's hair, as it must be redone about three times because she doesn't understand the concept of shorter and straighter, please. Still end up with crooked bangs and too much on top and give up.

12. Head out to go to a park and finally give DramaBoy a chance to ride his bike. Realize five minutes later that both boys are sound asleep in the back seat. Realize there is No Way I can pass up this opportunity to let them nap.

13. Head to a small park that's on the way, park in the lot, leave the fan and radio on for white noise, and settle down for a nap.

14. Sleep for an hour (yeah, me too!) Glory hallelujah.

15. When kidlets wake up, head back home and pick up ComputerDaddy, who has been persuaded that some quality time with the kidlets is actually more important than watching the first game of the Red Wings' division finals series (don't worry--he recorded it on DVR and watched it later). Go to park. Follow DramaBoy around for quite some time as he pedals about madly on his tricycle. Alternately push The Widget on his little scooter, lead him by the hand, and carry him, since he can't pedal very well yet. Defend him from friendly dogs who want to give him kisses.

16. Return home and dig holes in the yard with the kidlets "helping," while ComputerDaddy whacks weeds. Plant raspberry bushes bought at farmer's market on Saturday. Cross fingers and hope they survive.

17. Bathe and feed kidlets. Throw all clothes in laundry, including jackets. Have ComputerDaddy get kids in bed (and in again, and in again, and in again) while I make grilled cheese sandwiches. Cuz I'm a gourmet cook, yo.

18. Collapse.

The Dark Side

Today was mostly good, at least between the hours of 10 am and 5:30 pm, but it took a rapid turn toward the Dark Side after that.

My head is killing me. Probably a combination of stress, fatigue, and allergies.

The kidlets have been acting up and driving me crazy. Misbehaving on purpose and then laughing at me sort of thing. They should have been asleep a while ago, as tired as they've been behaving, but I had to get their clothes sorted and put away first and time flew by. And now they won't stay in bed.

I yelled at them. Multiple times. I made them both cry. And it's all I can do not to be too rough with them because I'm so fed up with their attitudes. I know a lot of it is their ages, but some of it is also all the anxiety and stress that is Life These Days, and they're feeling it right along with me.

They're reflecting where I am, and that isn't looking too good.

So I'm going to take some headache medicine and drink lots of water, because I'm probably dehydrated.

And I'm going to order pizza and Greek salad from the little non-chain business with wonderful food and even better service, where they know who I am. They'll deliver, with a smile.

And I'm going to watch some TV or a movie.

And then I'm going to get in a warm bubble bath and read Hogfather, because I need to chuckle and lose myself in a different world.

And maybe tomorrow will be better.