Not Me Monday #1

Before I get around to posting that GIST that dang Eric has guilted me into, I'm going to do a Not Me Monday, inspired by MckMama. Just because it's fun. Feel free to do your own and link back there.

This last week, I most definitely did not feed my kidlets blueberry Eggo waffles for dinner (with syrup) because I felt too lazy to cook and too weak-willed to deny their pleas. Not me. No way. I always feed my children healthful, balanced, nutritious home-cooked meals.

This last week, I did not ditch work early and cancel my therapy appointment to go home and take a two-hour nap. And I most definitely did not then stay up until midnight that night playing World of Warcraft instead of getting to bed on time.

This last week, I did not purchase a cupful of chocolate-covered raspberries, fresh-dipped that morning, and then consume them all in one sitting. I also did not eat half a bag of Twizzlers during the same long drive with a friend. And I did not resist eating the other half of the bag only because said friend ate the other half. Not me!

This morning, I did not trade a confiscated hat to its owner student in exchange for a Ziploc baggie of Cheetos. And when his girlfriend did not text a friend in class who I did not permit to text back, I did not bargain forgiveness for coming to class late in exchange for a Cherry Coke and a bag of Doritos.

I did not completely fall off the healthy-eating lifestyle the last several weeks. I did not stop exercising, either. And I have not gained back some of my flab. Of course not. Not me.

Never me.

Not-So-Secret But-Probably-Still-Spineless Whine

OK, so I feel like whining. You're just going to have to put up with it, and if you can't, you can either suck it up or just go away. So there.

I didn't get NEARLY enough sleep last night. Yeah, no news there, right? But it really was particularly bad last night because I janked up my sciatic nerve when I took on the very onerous task of actually pushing a vacuum for about 30 seconds yesterday morning. Granted, this is exercise I'm not particularly accustomed to, but nevertheless, COME ON. And then since I had to ride in a car for several hours coming home from Tawas Bay (the vacuuming occurred at the cabin where I was staying over the weekend--what, you think I was actually cleaning my own house?), the injury was aggravated. And thus turned into full-fledged sciatica.

Which means I'm limping around the school barefoot and getting laughed at by my students.

It really sucks having such a condition. I've had it since I was young. Which is TOTALLY unfair because, hey, only old people are supposed to have something with as unattractive a name as "sciatica"!

At any rate, I also developed a headache and ended up lying in torment in my bed, unable to get into a comfortable position with both ends of my body screaming at me.

Then I was supposed to post grades today, and not only am I way behind in grading, I got distracted and ended up only posting for one class by the deadline.

Which resulted in a chilly little email from She Who Manages the Grading System. To whom I grovelled in abject apology, because she is the person who also Saves Our Asses when technology goes awry.

And then I showed up to the computer lab for my Creative Writing class and discovered that MY CHAIR WAS GONE. My comfy, padded, arm-rest-possessing purple desk chair was absent and in its place was one of the hard, plastic, arm-rest-less black desk chairs that we force the students to use. And, unlike most days when this occurs, none of my students had scammed the chair for their own use. Which forced me to rage around the entire floor of classrooms searching for the missing chair. At one point in this rage I managed to catch my thumb in the door jamb of another classroom (don't ask how--I'm talented) and both bruised and bloodied it.

Turns out the chair went missing during 6th hour on Friday, the one hour the lab isn't being used for a writing class.

If I ever find out who committed this horrific crime, I'll assist him or her in heading down to hell. In a hand basket or otherwise. Just sayin'.

I'm also not sure where I'm going to find time to sleep the rest of this week, because I have to scramble on two points: one, I need to get piles of outgrown Children's Stuff ready for a massive Mom to Mom sale this weekend; and two, I need to finish the cross-stitch project I'm doing for my mother, because Mother's Day is only SIX DAYS AWAY!!! (If you had forgotten, you're welcome for the reminder. Now get your butts in gear and find something that will make your mommy cry!) And I have all sorts of appointments and meetings this week. Oh, and maybe I should grade papers and feed my kids somewhere in there. Not necessarily in that order of importance.

There. Whine now completed. And because Eric has just said, in a very snarky sort of way, Grace in Small Things, Ms. TeacherMommy!, now I have to go post one of those things. Darn kid, making me focus on the positives. Who does he think he is, anyhow?

If We Talked Like Our Students, or, Why I Will Always Have A Job

Hey girl! Wassup? Did you hear what went down yesterday?

So, like I was talking to Shanell* and she was all, We totally need to get a wedding gift for Casey*, and I was all, Totally, right? And then Jim* butted in and he was all, I think weddings are gay! She's gonna end up divorced in five years anyway.

I mean, what a loser!

So Shanell was all Keep your mouth shut, dude! And I was like, Seriously! And then Jim was like, J/K! Gotcha, losers!

Whatev.

Are you going to chaperone Prom? Yeah, me either. It's so lame. It's not like we get to dance or anything. It's all keeping the stupid kids from, like, humping each other on the frickin' dance floor!

What are you doing for the Learning Fair? Yeah, I know--totally gay, right? It's not like anyone actually DOES anything for that thing. Chip* was all, Let's make a chart about our vocab quiz grades, and I was, like, Whatev, dude. OMG, that guy can be such a kissass!

Where you going this weekend? Partying anywhere? That's straight. Me? IDK. This town is so totally lame. I can hardly wait for summer!

I gotta go teach now, girl. I know, right?

Peace! Catcha later!

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*Names have NOT been changed to protect anyone. Other than me. However, they aren't really like this. At least not out loud. And I loves them. Otherwise I wouldn't involve them in this parody.

I'm It! I'm It!

Woohoo! It's been a long time since I got tagged for a meme, and I've never been tagged by anyone I didn't really know In Real Life, so I'm ridiculously thrilled to be tagged for this meme by Brit in Bosnia. I know. I'm a little pitiful, but you gotta love me anyhow. This one's pretty random, but life gets boring when it's too structured all the time. So here goes:

1. What are your current obsessions? Blogging, NCIS (the show, not the real thing), and finishing the cross-stitch project I'm planning on giving my mother for Mother's Day. Eek! Only a week and a half left!

2. Which item from your wardrobe do you wear the most often? My Gap jeans. They go with everything.

3. What's for dinner? Heck if I know. I suppose I should probably plan that out. It would be nice if I actually made something tonight rather than falling back on take out again. Maybe tuna noodle casserole...

4. Last thing you bought? A cross-stitch project carry case and other useful accoutrements thereof. I'm crossing over into an official "crafter" identity. At least it isn't all flowery and lacy--it's a nice flat black case with clean lines that won't give me away too much.

5. What are you listening to? The Sidney Poitier version of A Raisin in the Sun--currently, Beneatha and Walter Lee going off on each other.

6. If you were a god / goddess what would you be? The Literature Muse, I suppose, which would have to be a tenth Muse combining Calliope (muse of epic poetry), Clio (muse of history), Erato (muse of love poetry), Melpomene (muse of tragedy), Polyhymnia (muse of sacred poetry), and Thalia (muse of comedy). Might get kind of crowded in there...

7. Favourite holiday spots? Jamaica, first and foremost--I still remember my honeymoon very fondly. The Upper Peninsula and upper Lower Peninsula (Petoskey and Traverse City areas) of Michigan are wonderful as well.

8. Reading right now? Grace for the Moment by Max Lucado, Traveling Light for Mothers by Lucado, Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott, The Wonder Worker by Susan Howatch, The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, the Psalms. It all depends on how much time I have, where I am, and what mood I'm in.

9. Four words to describe you? dramatic, passionate, literary, growing

10. Guilty pleasure? Buying shoes and books

11. Who or what makes you laugh? My kidlets, my students, Scrubs, and Big Bang Theory.

12. Favourite spring thing to do? Sitting in the sun and smelling the green and growing things. Oh, and getting the grill fired up. Planting doesn't come into it. I really wish I had garden gnomes.

13. Planning to travel next? Up to Tawas Bay this weekend for a women's retreat. I am so excited! Plus I should be able to catch a ride with a dear friend, so I won't have to drive or rack up the miles on my faithful Saturn Vue!

14. Best thing you ate or drank lately? A double chocolate muffin provided for me by a student. I loves me some bribes. And chocolate.

15. Last time you were tipsy? At a great Girls' Night Out when three other "girls" and I met up at The Melting Pot (great fondue, great service, great drinks) before going to the theatre and seeing Twilight. Good times.

16. Favourite ever film? Oooh. I have several. Is that allowed? Movies I can watch over and over again are LadyHawke, The Princess Bride, Amelie, Death to Smoochy, the Lord of the Rings trilogy...I better stop.

17. Biggest life lesson you've learned from your kids? Never expect your expectations to actually be fulfilled--buckle up, cuz you're in for a ride!

18. Song you can't get out of your head? I have several, but "You Are the Sun" by Sara Groves has been there a lot recently.

19. What book do you know you "should" read but refuse to? Ulysses by James Joyce. What absolute crap. I told Marinka she would regret it!

Rules of the meme: Respond and rework. Answer questions on your own blog. Replace one question. Add one question. Tag 8 people.

I tag Beth at BurkinaMom in France, GingerB at Gas-Food-Lodging, Heidi at Hortus Deliciarum, MommyTime at Mommy's Martini, oreneta at oreneta aground, Schmutzie at Schmutzie, Beth at so the fish said, and Eric at Property of: US Army (although he isn't a MommyBlogger, so I'm pretty sure he'll be replacing #17 unless he's crazy--which, on second thought, he is, so maybe he won't.)

Talking Philosophy, Three-Year-Old Style

Lately DramaBoy has been very into Bible stories and figuring out the whole God thing. Ever since I started taking him to church/Sunday school and his grandma started reading to him from The Big Picture Story Bible, which has been his absolutely favorite book for several months now, he has dived headlong into faith, three-year-old style. It's kind of amazing to see.

But there are some interesting questions coming up, some of which would be difficult to answer for someone with a doctorate in theology, much less a prodigal who only recently has started picking up the Bible again.

Yesterday as we drove home, he suddenly piped up from the back seat: Mama? There are two Gods, right? A big one and a little one?

Great. I get to try to explain the Trinity to a three-year-old.

No, there's just one God, I replied. But He can be three different people.

Where do I go from there? I mean, come on. This is something I barely understand.

Um, you know how I am Mommy to you and The Widget, and I'm also a teacher, and I'm also a friend to other people? It's like I'm three different people, but I'm still one person.

Oh, he said.

Sudden inspiration hit me. Someone just mentioned lately an approach she was taking with her preschool Sunday School class.

OK, so you know how water is sometimes all wet and liquid, like the rain? And then sometimes it's hard and cold, like ice and snow? And then if it gets hot, it's steam? It's still water, but it can be in three different forms, I said.

Oh! Okay, he said. He sounded a little more sure this time. All right. That would have to do for the time being.

So that took care of faith. But the philosophy bug had apparently hit us both (okay, maybe me a little more than him) because a little bit later he started singing "Rockabye Baby", only to stop and comment: Mama? Cradles rock sometimes. But why does the cradle fall?

Well, that song is really a representation of politics, I replied. Ha! If I could take on the doctrine of the Trinity, I could handle a little discussion about rebellion against government.

Sometimes cradles fall, he confirmed.

Right. What that is really talking about is what happens when the people rise up against a corrupt government, I said, with growing confidence.

Oh, he said. There was a pause.

But we don't do that! he said, as sure in his position as I was in mine.

You're right, baby, you're right. We don't really do that these days, I replied, thinking about all the decades of corruption and increasing lack of confidence in our leadership, as well as the growing apathy about really doing anything about it.

I told you I'm in trouble with these kids. If I'm not careful, he's going to be teaching ME what's what.

And not that I'm putting expectations on him or anything, but I'd rather he be a pastor or seminary professor than a politician. Just sayin'.

This One Time, At English Class...

So today my 11th grade (male) student J.A. walked into my 4th hour and said Ms. TeacherMommy, I need you to help me with my pants!

Hmm. I was a little taken aback. I mean, that's the sort of thing that lands educators in the newspapers, if you know what I mean. The other students in the classroom goggled and giggled. Great, now I had witnesses.

Um, WHAT? I said.

I need you to fix my pants! he said, with an earnestness I don't normally hear in his voice.

I might need to stop and explain that this particular student is one half of one of the many couples I have in this particular hour. It's a bit bizarre, really. They're all attached at the hip and nearly the lip, and I even posted a poem over at Secret Spineless Whine yesterday about this particular couple. J.A. isn't normally the type to ask me for any help, if you get my meaning.

Anyhow, he advanced toward me, clutching his huge black jeans (seriously, this baggy jean thing is getting awfully old) in a rather odd way.

These broke! he said, demonstrating two belt loops dangling mournfully from the top of the waistband, And I can't keep my pants up. Can you fix it?

I looked at him, nonplussed. Um, what do you want me to do? I asked, eying him askance. I mean, that's not exactly a place I normally touch students.

Can you sew them? he said, glancing at my cross stitch where it lay upon my desk.

This needle is an embroidery needle. It isn't sharp--it wouldn't do anything, I replied.

After a fruitless search for safety pins or a sewing kit or anything else along these lines, I was at a loss. I started wondering where I could get a hold of some duct tape so we could wrap him up like a broken pipe.

Finally another student came to his rescue, offering some safety pins she keeps around for making friendship bracelets.

I think you should probably have your girlfriend put those in, I remarked, unwilling to put my hands anywhere on his person.

Next thing I knew, he was standing in the back of the room with his girlfriend kneeling before him. Needless to say, the room started erupting in giggles and ribald remarks.

I can't look! I said, shielding my eyes. This just isn't something I'm used to seeing in my classroom, much less contributing to!

I'm just fixing his pants! C.C., his girlfriend, protested.

Is that what they're calling it these days? said another girl dryly.

AHHHH! J.A. yelped suddenly, leaping back a few feet. SHE POKED ME!

The classroom lost it. So did I.

Finally, when I could catch my breath, I suggested he go to the boys restroom (I'm afraid your girlfriend is not going to be able to help you this time, I said), remove the pants, fix the remaining belt loop, and return to the classroom.

We managed to calm down and get back to business (a.k.a. Macbeth) by the time he returned.

Sometimes it's just hard to stay in a bad mood around here.

Do What I Say, Not What I Do

Yesterday I went off on my honors tenth graders.

They were whining, as has become all too usual, about my daring to *gasp* MAKE THEM DO WORK. I know. I am so cruel.

You see, I just assigned them the dreaded TeacherMommy Ten-Page Paper That Requires Them To Do All Sorts of Unreasonable Things. Namely: (1) read and analyze a major piece of American literature on their own; (2) research the biographical info of the author, (3) research the historical context of the literature/author; (4) synthesize their literary analysis and research into a seven-to-ten-page paper that discusses how that author's work is the "living memory" of our nation, with proper MLA format, citations, and Works Cited page; and finally (5) prepare and deliver a ten-minute presentation, with visuals and handouts, of their findings.

It's a bitch of an assignment.

This is the project that makes students who formerly adored me start snarling at me with hatred and resentment. My response is and has been that I really don't care if they hate me right now, BUT however long it is down the road (a few months if they're bright; a few years or more if they're a little slower on the uptake) that they finally realize that I was doing a major favor by prepping them for the hard work they will face in the future, they need to thank me. E-mail, phone call, walk in my room, catch me in the hall: I don't care how they do it, they need to do it.

At any rate, I went off on a rant and preached at them from my lofty soapbox about Doing Things You Don't Like To Do and Taking Responsibility and Not Being Whiny Little Bastards. One of the examples I brought up is parenthood: as much as one may love one's children, there is a LOT of crap (literal and figurative) that comes along with the job, and one has to just get through that and deal with it and move on.

I realize that I am in danger of being labelled a hypocrite here. My own motivation at work is on par with the seniors'. My desk is overflowing with pile after pile of quizzes and papers that really need to be graded and which I have not touched in ages. I have several student evaluations to write for IEPs which may be overdue at this point: I don't even remember when they were supposed to be turned in.

As for parenting--last night and this morning I definitely slipped down the scale of parenting excellence, at least as far as patience goes. I found myself responding a little too harshly last night when DramaBoy and (especially) The Widget insisted on climbing out of bed again and again and again instead of staying put as I told them to. This morning as I struggled to get bags and a computer and kids all out to the car in the rain (I'm staying with ComputerDaddy for a couple of days, so of course I have to pack up half my life), I repeatedly lost my temper. I snarled and snapped at them as they got in the way when I was lugging things out, as The Widget wailed and followed me about because I dared leave his sight, as DramaBoy lost his shoe on the porch and simply walked away instead of putting it back on, as I discovered and had to clean up the ridiculous mess they had made with cereal while I was in the shower, as DramaBoy began whining when he heard he was going to his daycare today instead of switching over to The Widget's as he insists he wants to do...

Feeling that rage boil up inside me, I had to remind myself that these are my sons, these are the precious little people who bring me daily reminders of grace, these are the souls God has put in my care. And as I just told my students yesterday, I must take the frustrating along with the rewarding. My whining and complaining, my lack of patience and forgiveness (It was an accident! DramaBoy insisted tearfully as I growled about the cereal mess. I don't care! I snapped back) is just like that of my students yesterday.

I'm better at giving instructions than following them.

So it's time to take a big breath, pray for grace and patience, and start over again.

Grace in Small Things #4: Kidlet Edition

I need to post an extra one of these today because it's been one of those Mondays--not the kind that makes one want to smash the alarm clock and crawl back under the covers a la Garfield, but nevertheless, a Mondayish sort of Monday. So the small things matter, and I have two small boys who offer these reminders of grace:

1. DramaBoy running wildly across the daycare gym when he sees me walk in, shouting Mama! and then throwing his arms about my neck in a baby bear hug...

2. The Widget looking adorably confused as he looks for his coat (Coat! Coat! he insisted, walking from hook to hook, peering behind bags in case he missed it somehow) because he doesn't quite understand that on an 80+ degree day, this isn't part of the routine...

3. Delight and rapture on both kidlets' faces as they stand, faces pressed against the glass railing, gazing out at the wind-tossed lake, on the deck patio of the lakeside restaurant where we are meeting their grandma for an early dinner...

4. Giggles erupting from the backseat as DramaBoy does and says silly things for The Widget's amusement on our drive home...

5. Both boys singing along (nonsensically on The Widget's part; landing about 1/2 the words on DramaBoy's part since he's still learning the song) as their uncle and I sing a wonderful old British lullaby:

I gave my love a cherry that had no stone;
I gave my love a chicken that had no bone;
I gave my love a ring that had no end;
I gave my love a baby with no crying.

How can there be a cherry that has no stone?
How can there be a chicken that has no bone?
How can there be a ring that has no end?
How can there be a baby with no crying?

A cherry when it's blooming has no stone;
A chicken in the egg has no bone;
A ring when it is rolling has no end;
A baby when it's sleeping has no crying.

Grace in small things. Grace in small people.

Grace in Small Things #3

1. Creme brulee coffee at the Color Guard coffee table this morning

2. A visit from a wonderful former student during my prep hour (even if he did "distract" me from my prep work for the whole hour. I mean, someone comes and visits, it would be RUDE not to chat, right?)

3. Yummy cupcakes from a student who arrived late from co-op so picked up a bribe--ahem, I mean "gift of contrition"--on the way to school

4. Lots of compliments on my hair, which is awesome because I spent WAY more time on it this morning than usual--product, hair dryer, curling iron and all

5. Hitting 1000 on my site-meter!

Going Green and Gorgeous

This week has been very exciting because we have not one but TWO international celebrations of joy! Yesterday was, apparently, International Book Day (thank you for that info, orenata, even if it did come TOO LATE FOR ME TO POST ABOUT IT ON TIME!). I did happen to finish a book by a British author last night, which in my mind counts as a private celebration, even if I didn't know I was doing it. And then at some point earlier this week it was, apparently, Earth Day. I'm afraid that other than my normal efforts of turning off all electrical stuff at the end of the day and recycling the massive quantities of paper that pour through my hands on a daily basis, I didn't really do much to celebrate that one. No trees planted, no bicycling to work (HA!), no keeping the computer turned off all day, yada yada yada.

But since today is Fashion Friday (I'm getting hooked on the idea--I like being able to use Mr. Linky over at BigMama), I thought I might look more closely into that concept of "green" clothing. I'm not into the whole ugly hemp sandals and shapeless undyed cotton muumuus look, but surely in this day and age there's something decent--and perhaps more importantly, affordable--out there. It's such a rip-off that everything "green" and "organic" seems to cost so much more. It's like how you have to pay MORE for whole wheat bread, because you know, they had to LEAVE IN all that stuff instead of processing the hell out of it. Pay more for doing less and all that.

I just love capitalism.

Turns out (to my complete absence of surprise) that there are PLENTY of websites offering green clothing out there. Go ahead--just google "green clothing" and you'll get plenty. But I took the step of checking two of them out for you ( http://www.aventuraclothing.com/ and http://www.soul-flower.com/ ) and choosing some of my favorite (and more affordable) options. I'm also (because I'm just that nice) categorizing them. Your undying gratitude is, of course, absolutely welcome. There are other sites to check out as well, but these two seemed to have some great options and affordable prices.

I'm only covering tops, dresses, and skirts today. I'm also only focusing on women's clothing, although both sites have some awesome men's (and even children's) options. Now that I've been sucked into this world of eco-friendly clothing, I think I've found fodder for several weeks' worth of posts. So expect more next week.

Tops

Aventura:

This 3/4 sleeve organic cotton top by aventura has several really cute colors and patterns--I'm partial to the blue. It costs $49, which isn't Target price, but it's not absolutely unreasonable.

These little tank tops by life is good are on sale, which limits size and color availability, but drops the price to $14.99.

This adorable patterned stretch tank top by aventura is pricier at $37, but it's just so dang cute!

Soul-Flower:

These smock tops at Soul-Flower.com are a little on the hippy-dippy side, but they're actually kind of adorable and definitely affordable at $28.

Soul-Flower.com also has a ton of very cute hoodies like the Hempy ($52) and the Revolutions and Soulshine (both $35 and which I SO want and just might order) and the Partridge (which zips up--$48).

Maybe I should just order almost everything on Soul-Flower.com. These Butterfly tunic blouses are on sale for $20; these Feelin' Groovy tie-dye tie-up blouses are really cute at $32; this Totem Tie Up tee, $32, would make me feel feminine and sassy at the same time.

Oh geez. Yeah. Just go to www.Soul-Flower.com and look at all the tops. There are way more than are listed here, and I could take up forever putting them here.

Dresses

Aventura has pretty much nothing BUT cute on their dresses page, but here are a few favorites:

If you like halters and like simple, this organic cotton stretch dress goes for $52.

For a patterned version, this halter dress is $55.

And here's a sexy little nautical-inspired halter dress for $69. Get it in red and make the men's tongues roll out of their mouths.

If you aren't into halters, this ultra-light-weight cotton gauze dress goes for $57 and this patchwork-look dress ($72) would look great for either the fourth or fourteenth of July (depending on whether you'd prefer to celebrate Independence Day for the USA or France).

And finally for aventura, this gorgeous brielle chiffon dress would be PERFECT for summer date nights at $74.

Over at Soul-Flower they run more to skirts than dresses, but they have some super cute spring/summer options as well, and they're cheaper. Here are my two favorites:

This Jungle Love halter dress's name made me giggle, but it's really cute and only $34!

You'd have to be confident to pull off this much color and tie-dye, but I really like this Mudmee smocked dress, also $34.

Skirts

Aventura doesn't have as many skirts that grab me, but there are a couple worth considering:

This kenzie ruffled organic cotton skirt ($57) has a lovely light, airy look.

And this destry bamboo/organic cotton stretch skirt ($62) is perfect for a soft, neutral look with intriguing details.

Soul-Flower, on the other hand, has so many options it's dizzying! These are the ones that made me salivate:

This Moon and Tree applique skirt ($42) is just so fun!

The Carly wrap skirt ($48) is made by women in Nepal and has a gorgeous look reminiscent of henna tattoo patterns; this Emerald Batik wrap skirt ($32) also has a beautiful "ethnic" look.

Again, you have to be brave about vivid colors, but this Wave wrap skirt ($30) and Mudmee Belle wrap skirt ($32) are breathtaking!

For more delicate, airy looks, check out the Butterfly Kisses cut-out skirts ($25 on sale), the Neopolitan skirts ($16 on sale), and the Blue Sky Butterfly Spinner skirt ($44, not on sale).

There you go! That's a start.

As for me--there goes my paycheck.