Diapers and Dragons

Monday, November 1, 2010

Sinking

Today I'm discouraged. Deeply, deeply discouraged. As much as I try to focus on the positives of my career, as much as I try to focus on the great kids and the joy of those wonderful discussions and discoveries and moments in teaching that make my day, as much as I try to listen to the messages I get from former students saying I made a difference in their lives: today I just want to quit.

I just want to be done. Walk away, leave behind all the crap, all the heartache, all the apathy. I just want to leave behind the parents who don't understand the importance of their children's educations and who think that teachers are the Enemy rather than their allies. I just want to leave behind the political red tape and bullshit. I just want to leave behind the pervasive attitude that somehow my education and professionalism and experience mean nothing, just like that of all my many, many, many dedicated and amazing colleagues. I even want to walk away from all the students, former and current, who Need so much from me, above and beyond the parameters of academic education.

I definitely want to walk away from the pile of papers to grade and the overwhelming list of things I have to do, which grows every day.

I feel drained. It's as though I've been plugged in, but in reverse, so all the energy is being drained away from me rather than into me. I'm tired. Deeply bone-tired. I could barely move this weekend to do the bare minimum of what the weekend required, much less do much of anything productive or useful. And of course that means I have even more to do this week because I've procrastinated.

I just want to crawl into bed and sleep for twelve hours, then get up and read or work on my cross stitch project or actually exercise for once or do one of the many other things that are infinitely more attractive to me than what I actually have to do. Preferably in the company of MTL.

But I can't. I have to finish grading all these papers and quizzes and tests, and make tests, and prepare for the onslaught of project presentations, and finish grades, and somewhere in there I should probably work on cleaning a house that became absolutely trashed over Halloween weekend.

I feel like crying.

14 bits of love:

Liz K said...

oh TeacherMommy...I remember those days all too well! Praying that you will find encouragment today...and maybe get the guts to throw out a set of papers too...hehehe

mom said...

oh hon . . . maybe you feel better now, if you did cry . . . whichever way it's gone, please don't let the dragons eat you up, okay? I can only keep on praying for you. I'm sending hugs, too. Du courage!

Kirsten said...

So sorry! I remember these days from teaching all too well.

Kathleen said...

{{hugs}}!!! Is there any chance of a fall break in your near future??

sAm said...

((hugs)) I agree with Liz...do they ALL need to be graded? And remember - the house doesn't always have to be clean. Sometimes walking through without tripping on crap is OK. It's OK to say no. Now go have a cup of tea and take a few moments for yourself.

Wanderlust said...

So sorry you're feeling snowed under and unappreciated. That's an awful feeling. Sending hugs your way. xx

Betty Herbert said...

Oh goodness, we all know that feeling! Sending strokes, & hoping you wake up this moring feeling a little less overwhelmed x

Pam Elmore said...

I'm so sorry you're discouraged. Teachers are underappreciated, that's for sure.

A good night's sleep and a walk in the sunshine will help!

Praying for you...

Heidi said...

*hugs*

Not that I don't know that stress can cause all of that but it might be worth getting your vitamin D checked too, just to make sure that's not low and contributing to it.

What I wouldn't give for a long, long vacation!

Katie said...

I'm sorry that you are feeling so discouraged. I'm not sure how teacher's do it every day. I admire and appreciate what you do! I wouldn't last a second!
Hopefully tomorrow is better.
xx

4everalway5 said...

I'm sending some loving thoughts your way. I know what you're saying, friend. I have never, and I do mean NEVER, wanted to spend time at my parents' house like I want to recently. I'm over worked, sleep deprived, and there is always more studying, more rehearsing, more cleaning, more note taking, etc, etc to be done. But you can do it. WE can do it! We must!

MomZombie said...

I'm sorry you feel this way about your career. I have never felt that way about teachers, although I know the general sentiment is that the whole system is screwed up. As a volunteer in schools for many years -- and I know that is no comparison -- I at least know how much work and effort goes into the care and education of children.
Sadly, I felt this way about my career the last few years I worked. As you know, I did end up throwing in the towel. I felt I was no longer doing what I set out to do but rather following along with a bunch of things that went against my ethics.
Perhaps there is another way you can put to good use your education and skills.

Draft Queen said...

Aw, love. Huge hugs.

GingerB said...

Hugs, and extra red pens. Try to take out your negative feelings on bad grammar, because that will make us both feel better.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Wait! Where Are You Going?

Wait! Where Are You Going?
 
Clicky Web Analytics