Diapers and Dragons

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Personally, I Picture My Conscience In Stiletto Heels. The Better To Stab Me With.

I KNOW. Second post on the same day. I make no sense.

But here's the thing: I am sitting here on my prep hour, which comes at the end of the day, which means I get very very very little actually done because I'm pooped, people, pooped.

[Tangent: I now frequently sit at the dinner table with four males--one supposedly an adult, one preteen, one kindergartener, and one preschooler. I am Queen of my domain, people, and thusly have had to ban (1) farting and (2) poop jokes and (3) I'm serious, DramaBoy, NO POOP JOKES at the dinner table. Am I crazy for having so much damn fun?]

Where was I? Oh yes. Pooped on my prep. Anyhow, I decided to read back through that last post and suddenly had an attack of conscience. Yes, that one particular teacher is annoying and frustrating and infuriating on a regular basis. HOWEVER. Once she gets all the griping out of her system, she really does want to do well. Which is, I think, part of her problem: she's terrified that she won't, and the situation is a challenging one, and she is dealing with all sorts of new things, and she's resorting to her default coping mechanisms.

I joked, sort of, about playing Compare Our Lives with her. I said I'd trump her. Then said that didn't really mean I "win."

But really, in my head...that's not true. I DO think I "win." And that's a bunch of bullshit too.

She doesn't know all the details of my life and how much I deal with every day.

I don't know all the details of hers, either. Just because she appears one way doesn't mean that's the truth--or at least, all of it. I should know. I spent years portraying one image while hiding the truth.

So I'm being just as bitchy and nasty (and behind her back, no less) as she seems capable of being.

So here's my next challenge: stop listening to the words she says and listen instead to what she means. Stop assuming I know the woman and resigning myself to "getting through the year with her" and start actually getting to know her a bit.

Maybe she'll turn out to be just as annoying as I've always thought she is.

And maybe I'll find out I'm about as wrong as I can be. I have a niggling feeling that this may very well be the case.

Don't you hate it when your conscience starts whispering? Or, when that doesn't work too well, pricking you vigorously so you'll sit up and pay attention?

Yeah. Me too.

8 bits of love:

Monica said...

OH I hate it when my conscience gets preachy. And the bitch is usually right, which makes it worse. :)

PantsWithNames said...

Damn the conscience. Damn that it is usually right too. And don't worry about the poop jokes. We have a LOT of them here too. xxx

A Teacher said...

You have Stiletto in the title, yet no comparable shoe pic. I feel cheated.

Betty Herbert said...

Yah, sod the conscience. You only voiced what we all feel about *certain* people

Betty Herbert said...

Yah, sod the conscience. You only voiced what we all feel about *certain* people

Katie said...

I wish that my conscience was an actual living, breathing being-small, that would just follow me around and be there when needed to give me it's two cents.
That I could sometimes punch in the stupid consciencey face.

Sounds like you are more of a grown up than I am... good for you.

Katie said...

I'm not sure why the word SMALL is in there. Dangit!
I have this fear that you circled that with a red pen and drew a large question mark over it.

mom said...

You are right on in this one!

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