Diapers and Dragons

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Today

Today, it's all too much, all at once. The ups and downs of this and that, the rollercoaster ride of expectations meeting reality. There's the death of the old, the next stage in joy with the new, bumps appearing in the road that once was broken and now is healing and yet and yet

life does not run smooth

I was foolish to think it might. There's that odd optimism raising its head at the wrong moment, bashing against the edge of reality. However better I am for being where I am now

life does not run smooth

and the road will bring new obstacles, new cracks, new heartaches to face.

Today I sit and stare at the great mounds of papers that must be graded, for time has run out. I have no interest. My mind has already skipped over the next week into this summer: bags to fill with trash and donations, boxes to line with books and toys and clothing and the necessities that will carry over into the next stage, places to go with friends and children and my beloved, hard days of work and long nights of play. The clock is ticking, and so much must be done. I mix anticipation with apprehension for what is to come for

life does not run smooth

and though I know I have strength I lacked before, love I lacked before, health I lacked before, still the anxiety of all the unknown wells in my throat.

Of some things I am certain:

faith

love

hope

and knowledge that there is nothing I cannot surmount because of them. I have been to the depths and back. I have known the dark of deepest night, wept my tears of pain and loss and heartbreak, faced the dragons of my despair and lost the battles.

But I won the war.

My chains are crumbling. My armor is stripped away. I have walked the broken road, followed dead-end paths, traversed the bridges built by God and family and friends to reach again the stretches and signposts that led me here.

And the rewards, the blessings: they overflow. New life, new hope, new faith, new love.

life does not run smooth

for life is imperfect, the road broken in a world that is broken. I have learned that the paths that appear easy are those that hide the greatest pitfalls. Anything worth having requires that a price be paid, a sacrifice be made.

Today I am overwhelmed and the tears run close to the surface. But I do not despair. Strength lies beneath, and Today will pass, and Tomorrow holds such brightness that I must catch my breath with the beauty that lies ahead.

8 bits of love:

mom said...

He is there, the God who loves you, even on the sad roads and broken paths (especially when the pressures attack)-- remember:
Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the through the darkest valley I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Protection, guidance, comfort. I stake my life on this truth.
Thank you for sharing, dear one.

Wanderlust said...

Hugs to you my dear as you walk this crooked path. xo

Betty Herbert said...

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall we well x

Draft Queen said...

<3

Nerdycomputergirl said...

A big hug to you and hoping it is truly a magnificent day for you tomorrow. Thanks for posting this I'm sure we all have days when we feel somewhat the same and it's good to know we are not alone in feeling that way.

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

It has been a very big week for you - it's no wonder you're feeling this way. I'm sure the only way is up from here. xx

Ed Pilolla said...

life does not run smooth. and i like how you mix anticipation with apprehension. that seems like a balanced attack, or defense as the case may be:)

don't watch dancing with de stahs. heard it's addicting.

GingerB said...

I have felt much the same this week, as though I am absolutely at the limit of my abilities, and I feel your pain. But you are so right to remember to put joy and success in your mind while you think these other thoughts, and thank you for helping me to do the same. We will come out of these rrough pathes stronger, dear TM. And we will laugh again. maybe not about this week, but we will feel joy.

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