Diapers and Dragons

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Where I Am

Once upon a time, lots of people were reading this blog and I was posting just about every day. Not so much these days. In fact, it's been a rare post lately around here.

I just haven't felt much like writing. And when post ideas DO pop into my head, I'm invariably in the car or shower, and by the time I'm where my computer is, all thought of posting has vanished.

Truth be told, there just isn't much going on that I feel like blogging. I stress enough about the politics of teaching without putting it out here and getting all sorts of comments on it that will make me feel more stabby than I already do. Despite nixing the emailing of posts (which did help, I will admit) there are still things I don't feel comfortable posting here for privacy's sake. And I've never really been the sort of mommyblogger to write post after post about how dang cute those kidlets are (even though they are.) I can't pull it off without just being boring as hell.

The biggest reason, though?

Life is different these days. Despite the occasional bit of angst over kidlets and stepkidlets and the whole merging of families bit, life is remarkably drama-free.

In fact, a major component in The Dark One's desire to live with her mother instead of us is because, according to her, we're boring. And by boring, she means drama-free. Whereas life at her mother's is full of chaos and drama and this, again according to her, is far more interesting.

We think we can live with being boring if that's what it takes.

Personally, I love where my life is now, crazy as it can be at times. But she's right about it being quite lacking in the Drama area. And that means that it is also quite lacking in the Fascinating Blog Fodder area as well.

There's no more angst over The Ex. No more agonizing over decisions and the relationship's disintegration. We're divorced, quite amicably in the end. We've become MUCH better at communicating and working through the occasional issue. We don't yell or argue any more. We're almost friendly. Remarkably, we are far more functional as ex-spouses and co-parents than we EVER were as a couple. And I mean EVER. It's a good place to be.

My depression has lifted remarkably. Not that my journey is over: in fact, I will be returning to therapy in a week or so to work through some other old issues that need addressing. It's not a major crisis, though, and it's not really depression. Just...stuff that I need to face and haven't for, oh, three decades or so. At this point, I'm not comfortable writing about it here, but maybe I will later. Maybe. This would also be a reason I haven't been writing much poetry on here--poetry has been a major form of catharsis for me, and there just isn't that much Stuff to work through that way lately.

And my home life? My home life is happy. I love MTL more deeply than I ever knew I could love anyone. I am loved, deeply and completely and thoroughly and without a doubt. We have our little spats from time to time, and then we work through them and learn from them and move on. We're learning how to parent together in a blended family. There are the obstacles that come with this sort of paradigm shift, but we're facing them together. It's a good life, an incredibly good life, and I feel blessed every day to have been given such a life. I feel blessed every day that after all the crap I went through and all the mistakes I made and all the pain and heartache, I got to meet the love of my life. And we get to grow old together, which is happening sooner rather than later with all our joint and back issues. We CREAK, people. We're going to be that old couple inching along with walkers and wheelchairs. But we'll be holding hands every chance we get.

(We'll also be the old couple who delights in embarrassing their kids and grandkids every chance we get. Trust me on that one. ANY WAY WE CAN.)

Isn't it strange how being happy dries up my blog posts? It does.

So maybe I am boring now. I'm certainly not bored.

Maybe it's just that life has become so much more worth living in real time, rather than online.

8 bits of love:

Beck said...

I'm so glad to read that things have been going well. I've missed you!

PantsWithNames said...

YAY! Love that you are where you are now than where you were then. What a lovely place to be. Long may the posts remain intermittant and irregular - sounds like the best thing to me! xx

Kathleen said...

With you on that dried up blog thing. So glad things are going well for you!!

Betty Herbert said...

Just enjoy being happy for a while, you're allowed you know! I bet that, if you take a rest, you'll suddenly be flooded with blog ideas anyway x

Katie said...

I wanted to thank you for the lovely comment you left on my blog. I appreciate the support so much! Mwah!
And, I am so glad that *most* of your life is normal. Upheaval all the time gets old doesn't it?
As long as you keep blogging, I'll be happy (because, let's be honest- It's all about me. Jeesh)

GingerB said...

I remember boring . . . it sounds lovely. I'm jealous. I've gone a bit silent because it is so crazy hectic, so I really am jealous. You'll come up with more to write.

wv: naziesse

MomZombie said...

And a hush fell over the blogosphere ...
So much change online. Bloggers scaling back, going on hiatus, disappearing completely. I'm not online as much, either. Let's face it, when I started doing this I had a moody tween and a baby who slept quite a bit. Now I have a high-energy four-year-old and a 16-year-old with a license and a boyfriend. Who has time to think and write?
I still enjoy your posts and following your journey.

Nicola said...

I love this post. So happy for you. It gives me hope that maybe one day I will be writing something similar. sorry I have been such a lax blogging friend - but I want you to know how genuinely thrilled I am for you and your drama free existence xx

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