Toast Me

I just solved a great domestic engineering mystery.

I figured out where to set the dial on the new toaster.

Now before you scoff (you scoffing scoffers you), keep in mind that this toaster simply had a set of numbers on the dial going from 1 to * (no really, an asterisk, following the 9) with no indication whether 1 was "barely toasted" or "charcoal briquet", and no clue whatsoever what the punctuation was for.

When I took a stab at it yesterday, I set it to 4ish in a wishy-washy middling attempt to determine the proper setting. The resulting toast was....edible, but the "left a little too long over the campfire" sort of edible. There was also an accompanying odor of baking plastic as it toasted, so I suspected that perhaps there was some sort of coating on the interior of the toaster. I elected NOT to scrub it off in the sink.

My intelligence is not purely of a literary nature.

So I set the dial at * and let the toaster toast air, in a crazy guess that perhaps the asterisk was some sort of self-cleaning setting. Correct or not, at least this morning it only emitted the lovely scent of toasting bread rather than burning petroleum-based synthetics. However, I still faced the problem of where to set the dial. Was 9 the highest regular setting, or was 1? I tried 6.

I'm a little confused now. Are there people who ENJOY eating toast that looks like it should be fueling a grill? Because if the resulting blackened bread at level 6 is any indication, level 9 produces filler for charcoal bags.

RIP those two pieces of bread, by the way. I don't like wasting food, but I also didn't really need an emetic this morning.

So I settled on a setting of 2.5, and the toast came out Just Right. Still on the slightly darker side, which makes me wonder what someone who wants light toast is going to do.

And yes, I very much enjoyed my Nutella toast, thank you very much.

With a side of Victory.