i thought

i thought
i had it figured out
plans in my head
how it would be
settled
ready to move on
let's get going, buddy

defenses were up
wasn't going to get hurt again
because that's all dead and gone
over
ready to move on
time's a tickin'

i even allowed myself the luxury
of being a little angry
just a touch
just enough
to let a little hardness creep in
we could be friendly
but not really friends
someone has to think of the children

and then you apologized
and then you asked me to stay a while
and then

you softened

and all those defenses proved as tough
as cotton candy
melting away
or brittle ice
looking solid until there's a little warmth

you softened

just enough
that the hope i thought was lying dead
in ashes
sparked and glowed
an ember
just waiting for a little fanning
a little kindling
to spring into flame again

don't even know what to do with it
stomp it out?
give it air to breathe?
allow it to grow?

the fundamentals haven't changed
the obstacles are still there
even if you asked
i wouldn't hand over my heart

not now
not quite
not yet

have to be practical
still moving forward

just
maybe
not on

i'm standing here with the ember of hope
cupped in my palm
wondering if
and hoping
not to get burned